"America's greatest deficit is not in reading, math, or science - although our national scores in these areas are woeful. Our greatest deficit is in our ability to create and maintain stable families." - Michael P. Farris (excerpt from the article 10 Lessons I've Learned from Thirty Years of Homeschooling as published in the Home School Court Reporter.)
Showing posts with label Every day life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Every day life. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Family Summer Vacation 2011
Our summer vacation was really a big field trip!
Points of Interest Visited:
Creation Museum outside Cinncianti, OH
Colonial Williamsburg, VA
Yorktown, VA
Jamestown, VA
Naval Museum, Norfolk, VA
Toured USS Battleship Wisconsin
Experienced the loud thunder of the Air Force jets taking off and landing in Virginia Beach
Walking/Driving tour of Washington, DC
Drove though the underwater tunnel in Norfolk
States traveled through:Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania,and District of Columbia
Courses covered on our big field trip:
Bible, Science, Government, History, Social Studies, Math, Accounting, Geography, Architecture, Arts, Music, Logic, Home Economics, and life skills
Life Lessons Learned:
People should strap their suitcases down tighter to the roof of their cars so...people like us down get hit with them when an SUV in front of us runs them over and kicks them up into our car. Instant Heart attack! $1200 damage to our car.
Even if you check the brakes before you go, and throughout your trip, you may still end up with a brake problem in the mountains/hills. Our calipers hung up and eroded our brakes right out. We had to have new calipers, brake pads, and rotors installed on the rear of our car in PA, on a Sat. afternoon, at the tune of $625.
Don't leave your camera sitting on the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom at Colonial Williamsburg, even if your three year old daughter is counting down the seconds until she will open the stall door way before you will be prepared for that to happen. Don't trust old people, families, foreigners, or bathroom attendants to do the right thing-to turn in an item lost, so the family of the lost item can have returned to them their property. The security office where we had to go to file a claim was quite the walking hike to get to and was a fruitless effort! Priceless pictures from our first several days were lost. It made me cry! Cost of new camera: $200.
Staying on Budget is critical and you should have a cushion to work with just in case. Our unexpected trip costs:$2000.00.
Learning to navigate a busy schedule with a 3 year old was mastered by the end of the trip. Learning how to make history fun for a 13 year old who hates history was also mastered by the end of the trip. We survived tribulation - hahahaha.
Overall, we had a great time. We are thankful we had the opportunity, for the means to cover the unexpected costs, and for the safety we enjoyed during the journey.
Points of Interest Visited:
Creation Museum outside Cinncianti, OH
Colonial Williamsburg, VA
Yorktown, VA
Jamestown, VA
Naval Museum, Norfolk, VA
Toured USS Battleship Wisconsin
Experienced the loud thunder of the Air Force jets taking off and landing in Virginia Beach
Walking/Driving tour of Washington, DC
Drove though the underwater tunnel in Norfolk
States traveled through:Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania,and District of Columbia
Courses covered on our big field trip:
Bible, Science, Government, History, Social Studies, Math, Accounting, Geography, Architecture, Arts, Music, Logic, Home Economics, and life skills
Life Lessons Learned:
People should strap their suitcases down tighter to the roof of their cars so...people like us down get hit with them when an SUV in front of us runs them over and kicks them up into our car. Instant Heart attack! $1200 damage to our car.
Even if you check the brakes before you go, and throughout your trip, you may still end up with a brake problem in the mountains/hills. Our calipers hung up and eroded our brakes right out. We had to have new calipers, brake pads, and rotors installed on the rear of our car in PA, on a Sat. afternoon, at the tune of $625.
Don't leave your camera sitting on the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom at Colonial Williamsburg, even if your three year old daughter is counting down the seconds until she will open the stall door way before you will be prepared for that to happen. Don't trust old people, families, foreigners, or bathroom attendants to do the right thing-to turn in an item lost, so the family of the lost item can have returned to them their property. The security office where we had to go to file a claim was quite the walking hike to get to and was a fruitless effort! Priceless pictures from our first several days were lost. It made me cry! Cost of new camera: $200.
Staying on Budget is critical and you should have a cushion to work with just in case. Our unexpected trip costs:$2000.00.
Learning to navigate a busy schedule with a 3 year old was mastered by the end of the trip. Learning how to make history fun for a 13 year old who hates history was also mastered by the end of the trip. We survived tribulation - hahahaha.
Overall, we had a great time. We are thankful we had the opportunity, for the means to cover the unexpected costs, and for the safety we enjoyed during the journey.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Are you rich?
Would you consider yourself rich?
Before you answer, let me share some statistics with you from our Pastor's sermon yesterday.
1.4 billion people in the world live on less than $1.25/day.
2 billion people in the world live on less than $2.00/day.
If you earn more than $25,000/yr, you earn more than 90% of the people in the world.
If you earn more than $80,000/yr, you earn more than 99% of the people in the world.
I was humbled by this and I hope you find yourself humbled, as well.
Are we thankful? Content? Are we giving to others? Are we spending what we have wisely? Is our money being used to help others or to horde for ourselves? As a Christian, am I giving abundantly to God's work?
This week, my bible study will be focused on these things. I invite you to do the same.
Before you answer, let me share some statistics with you from our Pastor's sermon yesterday.
1.4 billion people in the world live on less than $1.25/day.
2 billion people in the world live on less than $2.00/day.
If you earn more than $25,000/yr, you earn more than 90% of the people in the world.
If you earn more than $80,000/yr, you earn more than 99% of the people in the world.
I was humbled by this and I hope you find yourself humbled, as well.
Are we thankful? Content? Are we giving to others? Are we spending what we have wisely? Is our money being used to help others or to horde for ourselves? As a Christian, am I giving abundantly to God's work?
This week, my bible study will be focused on these things. I invite you to do the same.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Has it really been that long?
It's been two months since I last posted something on my blog. I didn't realize it had been so long until a few friends commented that I must be busy because when they check my site there's nothing new there.
First of all, I'm humbled to know someone cares about what I think and have to say, or have been touched in some way by something in my blog. Thank you for your ear and compassion toward me.
With that said, "Life sure is busy sometimes!" Isn't it?
Let's see what have I been up to lately. . .
As you know, our family got a little bigger this past February with the birth of our granddaughter, Aubriana. I've written and erased many lines here trying to convey the events surrounding the transition in our home and I still can't put my finger on how to relay those things to the public yet. It's been a challenge, an adjustment, but also a huge blessing.
Our youngest daughter started speech therapy in our home twice a week. There was an evaluation process to go through, doctors visits, school visits, etc. to get her in the program. She's doing great but it's another thing that has to be done.
We're still homeschooling and it was that time of the year to begin to think and plan for next year. That required a lot of time, thought, and prayer - above and beyond.
My daughter who is trying to complete her senior year while being a new mom was taking an on-line course which meant she had the computer more than I did.
My husband has been traveling a lot this year for work but we were able to take a wonderful trip to Chicago for a four day weekend by ourselves - no kids. That was much needed. I'm waiting for him to come home from Baltimore today.
In addition to my women's bible study, I began mentoring a friend of my daughter's who is searching for answers to questions like who is God, etc. The birth of our granddaughter has brought many people into our home and has opened up a lot of opportunity for us to share the gospel with others. I am amazed at how God brings people to us, we don't even need to leave our home.
On top of all of that, my mind has been mush lately. There is a lot going on in our lives and sometimes I can't take another thing into my brain much less formulate a clear statement on something for my blog. We've had a long winter here in Wisconsin and have been cooped up inside too long. I need to get out and get some exercise and clear this brain fog.
No excuses - just explaining what has been up in my life and I hope to get back in the swing of things soon.
I hope all is well with all of you. I'll be back soon - don't give up on me!
God's Blessings!
First of all, I'm humbled to know someone cares about what I think and have to say, or have been touched in some way by something in my blog. Thank you for your ear and compassion toward me.
With that said, "Life sure is busy sometimes!" Isn't it?
Let's see what have I been up to lately. . .
As you know, our family got a little bigger this past February with the birth of our granddaughter, Aubriana. I've written and erased many lines here trying to convey the events surrounding the transition in our home and I still can't put my finger on how to relay those things to the public yet. It's been a challenge, an adjustment, but also a huge blessing.
Our youngest daughter started speech therapy in our home twice a week. There was an evaluation process to go through, doctors visits, school visits, etc. to get her in the program. She's doing great but it's another thing that has to be done.
We're still homeschooling and it was that time of the year to begin to think and plan for next year. That required a lot of time, thought, and prayer - above and beyond.
My daughter who is trying to complete her senior year while being a new mom was taking an on-line course which meant she had the computer more than I did.
My husband has been traveling a lot this year for work but we were able to take a wonderful trip to Chicago for a four day weekend by ourselves - no kids. That was much needed. I'm waiting for him to come home from Baltimore today.
In addition to my women's bible study, I began mentoring a friend of my daughter's who is searching for answers to questions like who is God, etc. The birth of our granddaughter has brought many people into our home and has opened up a lot of opportunity for us to share the gospel with others. I am amazed at how God brings people to us, we don't even need to leave our home.
On top of all of that, my mind has been mush lately. There is a lot going on in our lives and sometimes I can't take another thing into my brain much less formulate a clear statement on something for my blog. We've had a long winter here in Wisconsin and have been cooped up inside too long. I need to get out and get some exercise and clear this brain fog.
No excuses - just explaining what has been up in my life and I hope to get back in the swing of things soon.
I hope all is well with all of you. I'll be back soon - don't give up on me!
God's Blessings!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Family Tree
Last week, our bible study group read Matthew 1 which gives the genealogy of Jesus back to Abraham. The very next day, my daughter had an article to read in God World News about the genealogy of African Americans, and how they cannot trace their ancestors because of how they were taken from their homeland and sold as slaves. Both of these reinvigorated my interest in my own family tree. By the end of the day Friday, I had my family tree book out,I had compiled one many years ago, and had post-it notes all over my wall, mapping out my family tree. I am able to go back five generations from myself, in some cases.
On Saturday, I bought a tri-fold display board and transferred the names from the wall to the board. Now, once a day, I pull out the board, open it up, and just sit and look at it. I scan the dates; birth dates, wedding dates, death dates, immigration dates, and wonder what it was like living at that time.
What was the world like then? What was happening? What was daily life like? Why did they come to America in the first place? What was that journey like?
I'm compiling a list of questions for my grandparents, the only set left. In fact, who's left and who's not became glaringly apparent in this process, because I used one color of construction paper for those who have passed on, and another color for those who are still with us. It really showed me that time does go quickly, and generations pass without us realizing, and unless we are deliberate in knowing our legacy it will pass without us understanding.
I've been doing some research on-line and in books. I actually found a ship log with my ancestors names listed as passengers on a ship from Liverpool, England to New York City dated September 5th, 1839. My ancestors hail from various parts of Germany and Ireland. I have a Lutheran and Catholic faith legacy and I'm discovering that both came to America for religious freedom and to escape persecution and oppression because of their faith.
America was the place to come for freedom and to practice their faith freely, and I wonder what happened, because America seems to be increasingly hostile to Christianity. I wonder, too, if my generation, or one after me, will have to stand up for our faith and say enough at some point Where will we go to continue our faith legacy in freedom, if it becomes too hostile here to do so? More importantly, would I, or would they, stand firm against oppression and persecution? Would we hang onto our Truth base despite the hardships, and be willing to fight for what we believe, and fight for our way of life?
As I review the history, it gives glimpses of the future. Stories seem to swirl in repeating patterns. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we tend to repeat history. It is possible that what defined my ancestors as defenders of their faith, may define me as well. The struggles they incurred to provide a good future for their children may not be the same as the ones, I, or future generations will have to face, but the underlying theme may be similar, in that, a struggle may be incurred to preserve our legacy as Christians.
God wants us to remember the past. Remember His promises and faithfulness to all generations, and see our need for a Savior throughout history, so we continue to walk in obedience to Him, and stand firm on the teachings we were taught as children. It's critical that we teach our own children about God. Don't drop the ball and risk the heritage of the faith of our fathers becoming void in the generations to come. What a shame that would be to raise a generation without God as the head!
I'll probably have more to say on this topic as I continue this journey into my heritage. Until then, have an insightful day!
On Saturday, I bought a tri-fold display board and transferred the names from the wall to the board. Now, once a day, I pull out the board, open it up, and just sit and look at it. I scan the dates; birth dates, wedding dates, death dates, immigration dates, and wonder what it was like living at that time.
What was the world like then? What was happening? What was daily life like? Why did they come to America in the first place? What was that journey like?
I'm compiling a list of questions for my grandparents, the only set left. In fact, who's left and who's not became glaringly apparent in this process, because I used one color of construction paper for those who have passed on, and another color for those who are still with us. It really showed me that time does go quickly, and generations pass without us realizing, and unless we are deliberate in knowing our legacy it will pass without us understanding.
I've been doing some research on-line and in books. I actually found a ship log with my ancestors names listed as passengers on a ship from Liverpool, England to New York City dated September 5th, 1839. My ancestors hail from various parts of Germany and Ireland. I have a Lutheran and Catholic faith legacy and I'm discovering that both came to America for religious freedom and to escape persecution and oppression because of their faith.
America was the place to come for freedom and to practice their faith freely, and I wonder what happened, because America seems to be increasingly hostile to Christianity. I wonder, too, if my generation, or one after me, will have to stand up for our faith and say enough at some point Where will we go to continue our faith legacy in freedom, if it becomes too hostile here to do so? More importantly, would I, or would they, stand firm against oppression and persecution? Would we hang onto our Truth base despite the hardships, and be willing to fight for what we believe, and fight for our way of life?
As I review the history, it gives glimpses of the future. Stories seem to swirl in repeating patterns. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we tend to repeat history. It is possible that what defined my ancestors as defenders of their faith, may define me as well. The struggles they incurred to provide a good future for their children may not be the same as the ones, I, or future generations will have to face, but the underlying theme may be similar, in that, a struggle may be incurred to preserve our legacy as Christians.
God wants us to remember the past. Remember His promises and faithfulness to all generations, and see our need for a Savior throughout history, so we continue to walk in obedience to Him, and stand firm on the teachings we were taught as children. It's critical that we teach our own children about God. Don't drop the ball and risk the heritage of the faith of our fathers becoming void in the generations to come. What a shame that would be to raise a generation without God as the head!
I'll probably have more to say on this topic as I continue this journey into my heritage. Until then, have an insightful day!
Monday, January 17, 2011
I want his plan!
For most of my life, I did what I wanted. I created my own plans and secured for myself the things I wanted to do or have in this life. I was self-sufficient, self-motivating, and very much in control of things. Or, so I thought.
Somewhere between my divorce from my first husband and my current marriage, I began to realize 'my way' wasn't bringing me the fulfillment and joy I had hoped it would. In fact, my life was pretty messy. My first marriage had dissolved and my children were struggling and I had to take a long, hard look at my life.
I had to ask myself some really tough questions. Was this really what life was all about? Is this all there is? What if? Those life pausing questions that really get you to think about where you have been, where you are going, and if you really like the path you're on, or not.
I determined I was not happy about where I had been and I didn't want to continue in the same direction but I didn't really know what to do differently. Then, I remembered something.
I had grown up in the church and attended a parochial grade school. I remembered the teaching of my youth. So, I dug out my bible, dusted it off, and opened it up for the first time in a really long time. I've been opening it daily ever since.
I realized that while I had been living my life and deciding what to do with it, I had never consulted him. I had never asked my Creator what I should do or if what I was doing was ok.
Over time, I realized God had plan for me. I didn't know what it was, and honestly, sometimes today, I still don't know all the details of the plan but I knew for sure, from his word, that there was a plan created just for me.
God, the Creator of the Universe, had a plan for me! And, I had a plan for me. Who's plan was better?
When I compared myself to how big and powerful God is, it didn't take long to see that God's plan had to be better than anything I could come up with. Even if I were successful in my own plan and achieved everything I ever wanted to do, I'd still fall short of all the blessings God had created for me to experience. So, I determined in my mind, that I wanted to know what God wanted for me and I didn't want to miss out on anything.
Determining, and following through on that determination, turned out to be two different things. I was naive about how hard it was going to be to turn that determination into a reality.
Tithing came first. God asked if I trusted him in the area of our finances enough to tithe back ten percent of what he had blessed us with. We worked toward that number, one percent at a time, until we were faithfully giving the ten percent each week. We have found that the more we give, the more the Lord gives us back. We have not been able to out give God. It didn't happen overnight, it was a process of trust and faith that took time for us to let go of control in this area.
One day, God asked if I would be willing to give up my career. He didn't demand it, he simply asked. I said no. I continued to say no for a long time. Although my mind had purposed to follow his plan, when it came right down to it, I wasn't willing to give up control so easily.
God began to show me how my career had become an idol to me. It was the place where I received my significance. I had sacrificed a lot in my family for the power, prestige, and affirmation of my job. I had worked really hard to get where I was and I couldn't just let that all go, just like that. I had plans, plans to be the first woman to do a lot of things in my company that typically were reserved for men. I was going to break the glass ceilings there and pave new ground. I wanted to be the first. There were two problems here. 1. I wanted to be first - not God; 2. It was my plan, not his.
Finally, I walked away and retired, only to be called back a month later, agreeing to come back on a part-time basis. I hung on for another year convincing myself it was God's will. Otherwise they wouldn't have called me back, right? In reality, it was me building my trust in God's plan as I let go in stages. He was gracious in my unbelief and patiently allowed me the time to grow in my faith.
After a few years at home in which I relearned how to spend my days, God posed another question to me. Would I be willing to give up my time in order to pour myself into my children through home schooling? Again, letting go took time but eventually I gave in and embraced his plan for our family, more importantly, for me.
These were three examples of leaps of faith I had to take in order to follow God's plan and not my own. I learned that to follow God's plan meant I had to completely give up on my own. I couldn't have it both ways. It was easier to purpose in my mind to follow his plan then it actually was to do it. Letting go of control is hard, really hard.
It's not a one time letting go, either. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom today but I still have to relinquish control on a daily basis, sometimes on a hourly basis to maintain his path for me. I am tempted with the world's voice of having it all, or the draw toward worldly significance and materialism, or the inner need for more than this, that falsely leads me to think I made a mistake in giving over the reigns to God.
I struggle. A former co-worker gets a promotion and I think I could have really been somebody by now if I would have stayed working. Another person has free time to pamper themselves all day, and I wish I had more discretionary time. A new house, I might want that, too. The list that tempts me is very long. I get all mixed up when I fall off the path and start to be led by my own eyes, and soon I find myself wandering around in chaos and wonder how in the world did I get here again.
It says in the bible that God has goodness and blessing stored up for those who love and obey him. I want that goodness and blessing for me in my life. I want the peace, joy, and order that comes with living within his plan for me. I don't want the messy, chaotic life that is present when I am leading - although, I sometimes buy the lie that I would be better off doing it my way. But, that is a lie and a false comfort.
I am susceptible to temptation to deviate from the path just like everyone else. The only thing that keeps me from wandering too far away is the time I take daily to be in his word. I receive strength and encouragement in his word and I am reminded of his promises for me. I desire to be faithful but he knows I am weak. He remains faithful despite my short comings, and it's only because of his faithfulness that I am kept.
Somewhere between my divorce from my first husband and my current marriage, I began to realize 'my way' wasn't bringing me the fulfillment and joy I had hoped it would. In fact, my life was pretty messy. My first marriage had dissolved and my children were struggling and I had to take a long, hard look at my life.
I had to ask myself some really tough questions. Was this really what life was all about? Is this all there is? What if? Those life pausing questions that really get you to think about where you have been, where you are going, and if you really like the path you're on, or not.
I determined I was not happy about where I had been and I didn't want to continue in the same direction but I didn't really know what to do differently. Then, I remembered something.
I had grown up in the church and attended a parochial grade school. I remembered the teaching of my youth. So, I dug out my bible, dusted it off, and opened it up for the first time in a really long time. I've been opening it daily ever since.
I realized that while I had been living my life and deciding what to do with it, I had never consulted him. I had never asked my Creator what I should do or if what I was doing was ok.
Over time, I realized God had plan for me. I didn't know what it was, and honestly, sometimes today, I still don't know all the details of the plan but I knew for sure, from his word, that there was a plan created just for me.
God, the Creator of the Universe, had a plan for me! And, I had a plan for me. Who's plan was better?
When I compared myself to how big and powerful God is, it didn't take long to see that God's plan had to be better than anything I could come up with. Even if I were successful in my own plan and achieved everything I ever wanted to do, I'd still fall short of all the blessings God had created for me to experience. So, I determined in my mind, that I wanted to know what God wanted for me and I didn't want to miss out on anything.
Determining, and following through on that determination, turned out to be two different things. I was naive about how hard it was going to be to turn that determination into a reality.
Tithing came first. God asked if I trusted him in the area of our finances enough to tithe back ten percent of what he had blessed us with. We worked toward that number, one percent at a time, until we were faithfully giving the ten percent each week. We have found that the more we give, the more the Lord gives us back. We have not been able to out give God. It didn't happen overnight, it was a process of trust and faith that took time for us to let go of control in this area.
One day, God asked if I would be willing to give up my career. He didn't demand it, he simply asked. I said no. I continued to say no for a long time. Although my mind had purposed to follow his plan, when it came right down to it, I wasn't willing to give up control so easily.
God began to show me how my career had become an idol to me. It was the place where I received my significance. I had sacrificed a lot in my family for the power, prestige, and affirmation of my job. I had worked really hard to get where I was and I couldn't just let that all go, just like that. I had plans, plans to be the first woman to do a lot of things in my company that typically were reserved for men. I was going to break the glass ceilings there and pave new ground. I wanted to be the first. There were two problems here. 1. I wanted to be first - not God; 2. It was my plan, not his.
Finally, I walked away and retired, only to be called back a month later, agreeing to come back on a part-time basis. I hung on for another year convincing myself it was God's will. Otherwise they wouldn't have called me back, right? In reality, it was me building my trust in God's plan as I let go in stages. He was gracious in my unbelief and patiently allowed me the time to grow in my faith.
After a few years at home in which I relearned how to spend my days, God posed another question to me. Would I be willing to give up my time in order to pour myself into my children through home schooling? Again, letting go took time but eventually I gave in and embraced his plan for our family, more importantly, for me.
These were three examples of leaps of faith I had to take in order to follow God's plan and not my own. I learned that to follow God's plan meant I had to completely give up on my own. I couldn't have it both ways. It was easier to purpose in my mind to follow his plan then it actually was to do it. Letting go of control is hard, really hard.
It's not a one time letting go, either. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom today but I still have to relinquish control on a daily basis, sometimes on a hourly basis to maintain his path for me. I am tempted with the world's voice of having it all, or the draw toward worldly significance and materialism, or the inner need for more than this, that falsely leads me to think I made a mistake in giving over the reigns to God.
I struggle. A former co-worker gets a promotion and I think I could have really been somebody by now if I would have stayed working. Another person has free time to pamper themselves all day, and I wish I had more discretionary time. A new house, I might want that, too. The list that tempts me is very long. I get all mixed up when I fall off the path and start to be led by my own eyes, and soon I find myself wandering around in chaos and wonder how in the world did I get here again.
It says in the bible that God has goodness and blessing stored up for those who love and obey him. I want that goodness and blessing for me in my life. I want the peace, joy, and order that comes with living within his plan for me. I don't want the messy, chaotic life that is present when I am leading - although, I sometimes buy the lie that I would be better off doing it my way. But, that is a lie and a false comfort.
I am susceptible to temptation to deviate from the path just like everyone else. The only thing that keeps me from wandering too far away is the time I take daily to be in his word. I receive strength and encouragement in his word and I am reminded of his promises for me. I desire to be faithful but he knows I am weak. He remains faithful despite my short comings, and it's only because of his faithfulness that I am kept.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Update on prayer request
Hubby made it home ok from England, and on time, too. He's still sick but doing better now that he's home. Thanks for your prayers!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Prayer Request
My husband is in England right now for work, but instead of enjoying the adventure being in a foreign country can bring, he is miserably sick with a head and chest cold.
He toured the Jaguar car manufacturing plant yesterday and could have cared less. He said it would have been pretty cool if he had felt better but he just wanted to be laying down in a bed somewhere. He called me several times last night. It was evening here but in the middle of the night there and he couldn't sleep. He was just absolutely miserable.
Please send a little prayer to God on his behalf that he is well enough to withstand the journey back to London tonight and the flight home tomorrow. Pray also that the storm in the northeast that is cancelling flights across the country will not affect his trek home. Thanks so much!
He toured the Jaguar car manufacturing plant yesterday and could have cared less. He said it would have been pretty cool if he had felt better but he just wanted to be laying down in a bed somewhere. He called me several times last night. It was evening here but in the middle of the night there and he couldn't sleep. He was just absolutely miserable.
Please send a little prayer to God on his behalf that he is well enough to withstand the journey back to London tonight and the flight home tomorrow. Pray also that the storm in the northeast that is cancelling flights across the country will not affect his trek home. Thanks so much!
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011 Focus
RELATIONSHIPS - GLORIFY - DESIGN
Relationships - Love the Lord and Love his People!
Glorify - Bring glory to God in all we say and do!
Design - Discover who we are in God's eyes and what His will is for us!
This is our mission statement as a family and in our home school. Our priorities!
Relationships - Love the Lord and Love his People!
Glorify - Bring glory to God in all we say and do!
Design - Discover who we are in God's eyes and what His will is for us!
This is our mission statement as a family and in our home school. Our priorities!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Year in Review
January 2010
2010 started off pretty uneventful. There is not much to say about January '10, at least that I can remember.
February 2010
Hunter went to Ice Blast for the weekend with her church youth group(about 80-100 middle school kids). She went ice skating, cross country skiing (she fell alot!), sit spinning on the ice, she played broom ball and capture the flag, and worshipped and learned more about Jesus.
Hunter also sold and delivered Girl Scout cookies for the last time.
Loren traveled to Nebraska for work.
Kamille was working at Hot Stuff Pizza.
Our second grandchild, Conor, was born at the end of this month. After five daughters and one granddaughter it was nice to know someone in the family could produce a male.
March 2010
I taught a Junior Achievement class at the public school to 60 6th graders. The course was called The Global Marketplace. Although, I am no longer in the workforce, my background was in global sourcing and materials management for a large manufacturing company, so this class was a perfect fit for me. I absolutely loved teaching! My daughter, Hunter, was in the sixth grade at the time so I knew a lot of the kids. Every time I arrived at the school, I received plenty of hugs and smiles from the kids. It was way cool!
We met with another family to discuss homeschooling as we had been contemplating doing so ourselves for about a year by now, and had now gotten to the point of talking to some seasoned veterans and pick their brains. The couple we met with left a very positive impression with me, not because of what they knew but because of who they were - They were generous, humble, kind, soft spoken, Christians. They set a great example of Christians living out their faith in God and Christian marriage as a ministry. I left their house that night thinking I had met my first Proverbs 31 woman. As an interesting side note, the husband we met that night now works for my husband. I feel blessed that God has surrounded him with men who love the Lord and live their faith unashamedly.
April 2010
I attended my first ever Woman's Retreat sponsored by our church. The three day event was attended by about 400 women. The guest speaker for the event was Jill Briscoe of Speaking the Truth Ministries. My sister and I were able to have a heart to heart conversation with her. She was so gracious to have taken the time to mentor us. I will never forget it.
Kamille had to attend a government meeting for her Government class. We chose to go to one outside of our township where a hot topic debate was taking place over windmills. The Town of Morrison was debating a Windmill Energy ordinance. There were a lot of people who had signed contracts with firms to have windmills put on their properties and some very upset neighbors who wholeheartedly disagreed. It was very interesting to see people passionately debate two different sides to an issue in the context of public debate, and heartbreaking to see neighbors in a small community turn on each other.
May 2010
May brought Kamille's Junior Prom. She wore a beautiful purple, poufy, ball gown. Her make up and hair were professionally done. We took pictures at home before driving to a friends house where about 20 kids gathered for group pictures. A limo bus picked the kids up from there and took them to a fancy restaurant to eat before taking them to the dance. She had a wonderful time.
Hunter and I attended our third annual National Day of Prayer Breakfast which has become a tradition for us. The speaker this year was the Chaplin for the Green Bay Packers.
Hunter got braces and started the grueling Otho process in the pursuit of straight teeth.
June 2010
Hunter attended her last day of public school and officially became a home school student. Her summer school was done at home.
Hunter attended volleyball camp for a week.
We attended my niece's graduation from Fort McCoy Challenge Academy.
The end of June ushered in our big family vacation. We started with a family wedding in Minnesota, a Little House on the Prairie stop in South Dakota, and then on to Rapid City, SD for a few days.
July 2010
Our family vacation continued on into Wyoming and Yellowstone National Park. Amazing!
Our new hardwood flooring was installed in July, as well. I love it!
Hunter joined the local Library's Battle of the Books team and began preparing for competition.
August 2010
The month started off with another family vacation, this time a week in Eagle River at a cottage on the Lake. We went horseback riding, Go-Carting, boating, tubing, fishing. The most fun was sitting around the fireplace at night, in cozy chairs, reading out loud to the kids. It's something we do on a regular basis now.
We volunteered at Convoy of Hope. Our area's first ever hosting of this huge event was held in 95 degree, 100% humidity weather conditions. Our first job was to bag 6000 pounds of groceries. Later in the day, we helped the guests carry their groceries to their cars. This was no easy task in the heat as the cars were parked, on average, several blocks away. We were beat! But, the feeling in our hearts that we got for helping someone in need out shined the uncomfortableness of the day.
Our church held an outdoor service at the local AAA baseball stadium so all of our congregants could worship together as a church family. We usually have three different services on a weekend. This was pretty neat.
Hunter attended her last ever Girl Scout Camp and met a great volunteer from Australia. She imitated that accent for weeks afterward.
Kamille had her senior pictures taken. Where did the time go?
Our world turned slightly upside down when we found out our teenage daughter was pregnant. We have since recovered from heart failure and expect a much anticipated granddaughter in February 2011. God works in mysterious ways and we have a new informal ministry as a result.
September 2010
The four toughest months of my husband's career started in September. It was a very stressful snow season for him. The Company he works for is doing great, demand was high, and then, even higher then expected, and people turnover was high, too. With so many unemployment benefits being given out by the government, he found it hard to fill positions this year because many preferred to get paid by the government rather than have to work for their livelihood.
Hunter's Battle of the Books team took second place for our local library.
On a side note: The Battle of the Books team can comprise of middle schoolers through high school. Some of the books on the reading list were geared to the older kids and others were not acceptable to either age group, in my opinion. I did a thorough review of the books on the list prior to the first meeting.
I, then, attended the meeting with my daughter and informed the leaders that my daughter would only be allowed to read 4 out of the 12 books on the list. We needed to know if this would be acceptable, otherwise, she would have to decline participation on the team. They agreed this was acceptable, and this opened up quite a bit of dialogue about what is appropriate for these competitions. Throughout the three months of practice, we discussed this topic and I was pleased to learn that as a result, next year's book selections will be much more scrutinized. Many of these leaders were Christians and uncomfortable with some of the selections themselves. I was well respected for guarding what my daughter reads and for taking a stand. Don't ever be afraid to stand up for what is right!
Ali started the Awana Program.
Loren is a small group leader for sixth grade boys at our Church's Youth group program again this year.
Hunter and I started volunteering for Kids Cove twice a month. Our church holds a Moms class and Kids Cove is the babysitting service available to the moms attending the class. Ali gets to play with other kids her age and Hunter gets to learn how to organize a group of kids to keep them occupied and from missing their moms.
September was also was the month for Kamille's senior homecoming. This is a year of 'lasts' for her but also many new 'firsts' as well.
Our trip to Branson, Mo was cancelled at the last minute due to an issue at work my husband had to take care of instead.
October 2010
Loren travelled to Alabama for work.
Ali turned 3.
Our tree in our front yard came down on our house due to high winds that we experienced for a few days in a row.
We went as a family to a Corn Maze - our first ever. We had a blast!
November 2010
Loren got zilch in the deer hunting department again this year.
December 2010
Hunter had the month off of textbook schooling and instead we enjoyed different types of learning. Baking, cooking, art, reading, etc. She made cookies and delivered them to the neighbors with a Christmas message. She made Christmas cards and Christmas ornaments to donate to the local nursing home. She made star Christmas ornaments for our tree and also to give out as gifts. She planned, organized, and hosted a girls Christmas party for her friends. She's been making bracelets and anklets for her friends, too.
Ali sang in her first Christmas concert at church. Adorable!
We celebrate Christmas and New Year's with family and friends.
Overall
Our year had challenges and many joys; ups and downs, just like everybody else. However, God provided all that we needed and nothing was insurmountable. We feel blessed that in a tough economy, Loren's place of business prospered, and we were able to enjoy some family vacations and do some home remodeling.
We continue to faithfully spend time in God's Word daily which has helped build a strong foundation and has helped us get through some tough times. We are part of a small group that meets weekly for bible study and fellowship, and I continue to host a monthly woman's bible study in my home.
Life is good and God is great!
2010 started off pretty uneventful. There is not much to say about January '10, at least that I can remember.
February 2010
Hunter went to Ice Blast for the weekend with her church youth group(about 80-100 middle school kids). She went ice skating, cross country skiing (she fell alot!), sit spinning on the ice, she played broom ball and capture the flag, and worshipped and learned more about Jesus.
Hunter also sold and delivered Girl Scout cookies for the last time.
Loren traveled to Nebraska for work.
Kamille was working at Hot Stuff Pizza.
Our second grandchild, Conor, was born at the end of this month. After five daughters and one granddaughter it was nice to know someone in the family could produce a male.
March 2010
I taught a Junior Achievement class at the public school to 60 6th graders. The course was called The Global Marketplace. Although, I am no longer in the workforce, my background was in global sourcing and materials management for a large manufacturing company, so this class was a perfect fit for me. I absolutely loved teaching! My daughter, Hunter, was in the sixth grade at the time so I knew a lot of the kids. Every time I arrived at the school, I received plenty of hugs and smiles from the kids. It was way cool!
We met with another family to discuss homeschooling as we had been contemplating doing so ourselves for about a year by now, and had now gotten to the point of talking to some seasoned veterans and pick their brains. The couple we met with left a very positive impression with me, not because of what they knew but because of who they were - They were generous, humble, kind, soft spoken, Christians. They set a great example of Christians living out their faith in God and Christian marriage as a ministry. I left their house that night thinking I had met my first Proverbs 31 woman. As an interesting side note, the husband we met that night now works for my husband. I feel blessed that God has surrounded him with men who love the Lord and live their faith unashamedly.
April 2010
I attended my first ever Woman's Retreat sponsored by our church. The three day event was attended by about 400 women. The guest speaker for the event was Jill Briscoe of Speaking the Truth Ministries. My sister and I were able to have a heart to heart conversation with her. She was so gracious to have taken the time to mentor us. I will never forget it.
Kamille had to attend a government meeting for her Government class. We chose to go to one outside of our township where a hot topic debate was taking place over windmills. The Town of Morrison was debating a Windmill Energy ordinance. There were a lot of people who had signed contracts with firms to have windmills put on their properties and some very upset neighbors who wholeheartedly disagreed. It was very interesting to see people passionately debate two different sides to an issue in the context of public debate, and heartbreaking to see neighbors in a small community turn on each other.
May 2010
May brought Kamille's Junior Prom. She wore a beautiful purple, poufy, ball gown. Her make up and hair were professionally done. We took pictures at home before driving to a friends house where about 20 kids gathered for group pictures. A limo bus picked the kids up from there and took them to a fancy restaurant to eat before taking them to the dance. She had a wonderful time.
Hunter and I attended our third annual National Day of Prayer Breakfast which has become a tradition for us. The speaker this year was the Chaplin for the Green Bay Packers.
Hunter got braces and started the grueling Otho process in the pursuit of straight teeth.
June 2010
Hunter attended her last day of public school and officially became a home school student. Her summer school was done at home.
Hunter attended volleyball camp for a week.
We attended my niece's graduation from Fort McCoy Challenge Academy.
The end of June ushered in our big family vacation. We started with a family wedding in Minnesota, a Little House on the Prairie stop in South Dakota, and then on to Rapid City, SD for a few days.
July 2010
Our family vacation continued on into Wyoming and Yellowstone National Park. Amazing!
Our new hardwood flooring was installed in July, as well. I love it!
Hunter joined the local Library's Battle of the Books team and began preparing for competition.
August 2010
The month started off with another family vacation, this time a week in Eagle River at a cottage on the Lake. We went horseback riding, Go-Carting, boating, tubing, fishing. The most fun was sitting around the fireplace at night, in cozy chairs, reading out loud to the kids. It's something we do on a regular basis now.
We volunteered at Convoy of Hope. Our area's first ever hosting of this huge event was held in 95 degree, 100% humidity weather conditions. Our first job was to bag 6000 pounds of groceries. Later in the day, we helped the guests carry their groceries to their cars. This was no easy task in the heat as the cars were parked, on average, several blocks away. We were beat! But, the feeling in our hearts that we got for helping someone in need out shined the uncomfortableness of the day.
Our church held an outdoor service at the local AAA baseball stadium so all of our congregants could worship together as a church family. We usually have three different services on a weekend. This was pretty neat.
Hunter attended her last ever Girl Scout Camp and met a great volunteer from Australia. She imitated that accent for weeks afterward.
Kamille had her senior pictures taken. Where did the time go?
Our world turned slightly upside down when we found out our teenage daughter was pregnant. We have since recovered from heart failure and expect a much anticipated granddaughter in February 2011. God works in mysterious ways and we have a new informal ministry as a result.
September 2010
The four toughest months of my husband's career started in September. It was a very stressful snow season for him. The Company he works for is doing great, demand was high, and then, even higher then expected, and people turnover was high, too. With so many unemployment benefits being given out by the government, he found it hard to fill positions this year because many preferred to get paid by the government rather than have to work for their livelihood.
Hunter's Battle of the Books team took second place for our local library.
On a side note: The Battle of the Books team can comprise of middle schoolers through high school. Some of the books on the reading list were geared to the older kids and others were not acceptable to either age group, in my opinion. I did a thorough review of the books on the list prior to the first meeting.
I, then, attended the meeting with my daughter and informed the leaders that my daughter would only be allowed to read 4 out of the 12 books on the list. We needed to know if this would be acceptable, otherwise, she would have to decline participation on the team. They agreed this was acceptable, and this opened up quite a bit of dialogue about what is appropriate for these competitions. Throughout the three months of practice, we discussed this topic and I was pleased to learn that as a result, next year's book selections will be much more scrutinized. Many of these leaders were Christians and uncomfortable with some of the selections themselves. I was well respected for guarding what my daughter reads and for taking a stand. Don't ever be afraid to stand up for what is right!
Ali started the Awana Program.
Loren is a small group leader for sixth grade boys at our Church's Youth group program again this year.
Hunter and I started volunteering for Kids Cove twice a month. Our church holds a Moms class and Kids Cove is the babysitting service available to the moms attending the class. Ali gets to play with other kids her age and Hunter gets to learn how to organize a group of kids to keep them occupied and from missing their moms.
September was also was the month for Kamille's senior homecoming. This is a year of 'lasts' for her but also many new 'firsts' as well.
Our trip to Branson, Mo was cancelled at the last minute due to an issue at work my husband had to take care of instead.
October 2010
Loren travelled to Alabama for work.
Ali turned 3.
Our tree in our front yard came down on our house due to high winds that we experienced for a few days in a row.
We went as a family to a Corn Maze - our first ever. We had a blast!
November 2010
Loren got zilch in the deer hunting department again this year.
December 2010
Hunter had the month off of textbook schooling and instead we enjoyed different types of learning. Baking, cooking, art, reading, etc. She made cookies and delivered them to the neighbors with a Christmas message. She made Christmas cards and Christmas ornaments to donate to the local nursing home. She made star Christmas ornaments for our tree and also to give out as gifts. She planned, organized, and hosted a girls Christmas party for her friends. She's been making bracelets and anklets for her friends, too.
Ali sang in her first Christmas concert at church. Adorable!
We celebrate Christmas and New Year's with family and friends.
Overall
Our year had challenges and many joys; ups and downs, just like everybody else. However, God provided all that we needed and nothing was insurmountable. We feel blessed that in a tough economy, Loren's place of business prospered, and we were able to enjoy some family vacations and do some home remodeling.
We continue to faithfully spend time in God's Word daily which has helped build a strong foundation and has helped us get through some tough times. We are part of a small group that meets weekly for bible study and fellowship, and I continue to host a monthly woman's bible study in my home.
Life is good and God is great!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Star Ornaments
A dear friend of mine, who also happens to be very creative and artistic, all things I am not, donated supplies to my daughter to make these Christmas star ornaments.
Hunter enjoyed making these wire and beaded stars so much there might not be any leftover supplies to return.
My friend took the time to explain to Hunter how to make them. I know she listened well, for two reasons. 1. She was able to make eight stars herself; and 2. She was able to instruct three other girls how to make them, too. (The girls were over for a Christmas party at our house that Hunter hosted, and they were able to leave with a homemade Christmas gift for their moms!)
In fact, Hunter instructed almost word for word what my friend had told her. In the same mannerism, tone, and detail; and sold it as if she had thought it all up herself and experienced all the trial and error lessons herself! Who says kids don't listen or pay attention. I was very proud of her! And very thankful for a friend willing to invest in my daughter with knowledge of a skill I wouldn't have been able to impart. She opened up a new pursuit for her.
I know my friend will just wave this off as nothing big, but this was a gift to my daughter, one she will cherish and remember always.
Blizzard Aiden
A picture of Blizzard Aiden from inside our home.
We are reading The Children's Blizzard right now.
How cool to go through an actual blizzard while reading a book about one from 1888!
Having an actual blizzard hit our area while we are reading this book, made it possible to more visually imagine what it was like for the people described in the book. The real life struggles they endured are amazing. How lucky we are today with how far we have come technically speaking, as well as, in terms of comfort and convenience!
The Children's Blizzard discusses the weather in detail, almost like a meteorology class. We've been tracking the weather daily just like they do in the book. We were able to log the weather indications both prior to the storm and post storm, and compare them to what was logged in the book. 'Cold Wave Warning' comes to mind. (You'd have to read the book to understand! Go ahead, it's an excellent read.)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Shine A Light
I am so thankful for the sunshine today. The day just seems better when there is beautiful sunshine streaming through my windows.
However, the sunshine is also highlighting some not so appealing aspects in my home today. Dusty floors, dirty windows, splatter spots on the stove. All things I apparently didn't notice on the recent string of overcast days. Out of sight, out of mind.
I didn't see it before so it didn't bother me but today I am frantically cleaning up all those things that were brought to light. It seems a little overwhelming, trying to get it all done before the sunshine goes away again, and I won't be able to see it so readily.
As I am working away, I thought about how God's light shines into our hearts and reveals all those dusty, dirty, unappealing aspects to our sinful nature and bears to light that these present a problem for us.
Once revealed, we know they are there, we see them as unappealing, and we have an opportunity to accept God's help in cleaning these areas that were previously hidden from us.
Just like my household chores today, heart cleaning can seem like a never ending job. We clean up one area of our life and another spot is revealed.
We are definitely an undone people with much work to do. It takes a lifetime of walking in God's shining light and under his refining work to really get us all in order and cleaned up just right.
Holy! That's what they call it when God has removed all the dirt from our life and we are shiny clean - spotless!
This side of heaven we will always be undone, but less undone everyday, if we are allowing God to work in us, coming into full completeness as we cross from this life into eternal life in heaven.
Don't be discouraged at the amount of work left to do. Rather be thankful there is still daylight in which to work.
Be grateful the Lord of Lords has offered to come in and work in you for free!
Just like my home is a work in progress so is my heart.
However, the sunshine is also highlighting some not so appealing aspects in my home today. Dusty floors, dirty windows, splatter spots on the stove. All things I apparently didn't notice on the recent string of overcast days. Out of sight, out of mind.
I didn't see it before so it didn't bother me but today I am frantically cleaning up all those things that were brought to light. It seems a little overwhelming, trying to get it all done before the sunshine goes away again, and I won't be able to see it so readily.
As I am working away, I thought about how God's light shines into our hearts and reveals all those dusty, dirty, unappealing aspects to our sinful nature and bears to light that these present a problem for us.
Once revealed, we know they are there, we see them as unappealing, and we have an opportunity to accept God's help in cleaning these areas that were previously hidden from us.
Just like my household chores today, heart cleaning can seem like a never ending job. We clean up one area of our life and another spot is revealed.
We are definitely an undone people with much work to do. It takes a lifetime of walking in God's shining light and under his refining work to really get us all in order and cleaned up just right.
Holy! That's what they call it when God has removed all the dirt from our life and we are shiny clean - spotless!
This side of heaven we will always be undone, but less undone everyday, if we are allowing God to work in us, coming into full completeness as we cross from this life into eternal life in heaven.
Don't be discouraged at the amount of work left to do. Rather be thankful there is still daylight in which to work.
Be grateful the Lord of Lords has offered to come in and work in you for free!
Just like my home is a work in progress so is my heart.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wind Storm!
Wisconsin was hit with a wind storm yesterday which continues today. Sustained winds of 30-40 miles per hour with gusts as high as 60 miles per hour.
Yesterday, my husband and I were both gone in the morning and arrived home for lunch at the same time, only to find our front yard tree spilt completely in half, all the way down to the ground, and one half of the tree laying on top of our house and the neighbors fence.
We were not the only ones affected with downed trees. Many more had worse damage then we did.
The tough thing is because so many were in need at once, supply and demand pricing kicked in, so to have the tree removed and completely cleaned up cost - $1100.00!
My husband was so busy at work and couldn't get away but all day he wished he could just take off of work, buy a chain saw, and clean the mess up himself. But, it is what it is.
My daughters are distraught over losing the tree and by the fact we have to wait until spring to plant a new one. However, they did enjoy watching the men work at taking it down. I'm not sure the men enjoyed the audience but it was exciting stuff in our household yesterday.
The wind reminded me of a book my daughters and I just read about the snow storm that hit the northeast in 1888. I'd recommend it to anyone because it's a good story and it's well written. It's called Blizzard! by Jim Murphy.
The next book we will read together is about the same storm system but how it affected the newly settled homestead in the prairies of the Dakota's. It's called The Children's Blizzard by David Laskin. I can't wait.
Don't blow away today. Stay home and read a book!
Yesterday, my husband and I were both gone in the morning and arrived home for lunch at the same time, only to find our front yard tree spilt completely in half, all the way down to the ground, and one half of the tree laying on top of our house and the neighbors fence.
We were not the only ones affected with downed trees. Many more had worse damage then we did.
The tough thing is because so many were in need at once, supply and demand pricing kicked in, so to have the tree removed and completely cleaned up cost - $1100.00!
My husband was so busy at work and couldn't get away but all day he wished he could just take off of work, buy a chain saw, and clean the mess up himself. But, it is what it is.
My daughters are distraught over losing the tree and by the fact we have to wait until spring to plant a new one. However, they did enjoy watching the men work at taking it down. I'm not sure the men enjoyed the audience but it was exciting stuff in our household yesterday.
The wind reminded me of a book my daughters and I just read about the snow storm that hit the northeast in 1888. I'd recommend it to anyone because it's a good story and it's well written. It's called Blizzard! by Jim Murphy.
The next book we will read together is about the same storm system but how it affected the newly settled homestead in the prairies of the Dakota's. It's called The Children's Blizzard by David Laskin. I can't wait.
Don't blow away today. Stay home and read a book!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Valley Rescue
I FINALLY HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER!
Sadly, at times, these words could not be further from the truth for me.
Do you know I like an ordered house? I like an ordered family. I like the outside world to see me in control. But the reality is, at times, it is all a cover for the turmoil that goes on in my heart. Some may look at my life and see no worry. I have a great husband, five daughters, two and 1/2 grandchildren (one on the way), and a comfortable home. What more could a woman want?
But, I am a woman in want, sometimes.
I am a grown woman but in many ways I am still a wounded child deeply affected by people who said they loved me but their actions or their presence (or lack of it) spoke otherwise. I am still a little girl who never felt perfect enough for anyone to love me like other people were loved. I have always been a comparer and I always calculate myself as coming up short.
So, I've spent my life being a people pleaser, morphing into who I thought others wanted me to be, in the hopes of being loved and having someone stick around. As a result, I am not always authentic. I have always been the caretaker of others but the one easily discarded or ignored. I can't make decisions for fear of making the wrong one and making someone else unhappy. Unhappy people = abandonment in my mind.
My life turned a huge corner when I met my husband. No one in this world has ever loved me the way he loves me. In fact, it was his example of unconditional love, that actually allowed me to let the Christ I had always known, come into my heart. Up until that time, my spiritual life mirrored my personal life. If I am unlovable by the people closest to me, then, I am unlovable by my Creator, as well. I knew God to be a gracious and loving God for everyone else in the world but not for me.
For eight years, or so, God has been recreating me. He's helped me clean up my life. He showed me all my self destructive ways. It's amazing what one will allow when they have no self worth. He's given me new purpose and direction.
I quit my job to be a stay at home mom four years ago. I still get calls from my former employer to come back to work but I don't need to be successful in the marketplace to define my worth anymore.
I obediently followed when God said to homeschool. He gave me the backbone and the strength to stand up to the opposing voices that quickly came our way when we decided to pursue his will. Pretty amazing for a people pleaser! But, it's Him whom I want to please these days, not others.
He's given me a desire to be a teacher of his word to other women and he faithfully has brought many wonderful women into my life to mentor.
We have made great progress, He and I.
Any, yet, despite all this progress, I spent this week going deeper and deeper into a dark place. Imagine two mountains with a valley in the middle. I was on top of one of those mountains on Monday, but by Friday night, I was wandering around in the valley wondering how I would ever get out.
I felt myself begin to slip on Tuesday and instead of looking up for help, I allowed myself to look down, knowing full well where this would lead. I let doubt lead to inadequacy, and inadequacy lead to unlovable, and unlovable lead to my abandonment history, and my self worth just plummetted.
"God can't use me. In fact, God doesn't even love me. I'm fooling myself in thinking he ever did. I'm living in a pipe dream if I think God ever cared for me. Look at you, no one has ever loved you. You don't matter to anyone, never did. God created me just to be miserable."
These are the lies my mind tells me when I allow myself to slip off the mountain; when I go to the dark place outside of God's truthful light. I get lost in the valley of the shadows of death. My poor husband has to deal with my crying and self pity, my short temper, and my withdrawal to safety - alone. I go underground and I am of no help to anyone.
But, then, God sends the Great Shepherd to come and rescue me. He picks me up and gently reminds me that he loves me. He cradles me in his loving arms as he treks me back up the mountain, back into the full light of God's truth. He reminds me he has always loved me and has always been there for me. He reminds me of who I am in him and the plans he has for me. By Sunday morning, we are almost to the top again. I wake up thankful for all he has blessed me with in the later half of my life, ready to let it all go and move on.
During church this morning, I lay it all down at his feet. The years of hurt, the years of being alone, the years of measuring short, the years wasted. I ask forgiveness for not trusting, for not believing. I ask for help in staying on the mountaintop. I ask for the freedom to fly and soar, to have the weight removed from me so I am weightless and free to do his will without restriction and fear.
Then, He gives me this vision:
1. Stop trying to figure out why your life was what it was. Accept it as it is.
2. Stop trying to test everyone's love for you as authentic. Accept it as it is.
3. Stop trying to move up in the world and instead look down. Look at the world and see all the people in the world that feel the same way you do - unlovable/not worthy/abandoned. Use what you know about me to reach them with my love and hope.
4. Instead of trying to gain worldly love and acceptance, be filled up with the love I give, and let MY love pour out of you into others. Take the focus off yourself and focus instead on loving others in the way I have loved you.
5. Use ALL I have given you (even the bad) to my glory!
My battle with self worth is not over. Satan will wage that war against me my whole life but God has given me a battle plan to win the war. Extend past myself, take the weapons of war he provides, focus on winning the battle, trust in Him. He will keep me safe and bring me victoriously to the end.
And if on the day when he returns, I am standing there before him with many more who once thought themselves unworthy but stand there that day because of Christ love shown through me to them, I will have run the race well.
Sadly, at times, these words could not be further from the truth for me.
Do you know I like an ordered house? I like an ordered family. I like the outside world to see me in control. But the reality is, at times, it is all a cover for the turmoil that goes on in my heart. Some may look at my life and see no worry. I have a great husband, five daughters, two and 1/2 grandchildren (one on the way), and a comfortable home. What more could a woman want?
But, I am a woman in want, sometimes.
I am a grown woman but in many ways I am still a wounded child deeply affected by people who said they loved me but their actions or their presence (or lack of it) spoke otherwise. I am still a little girl who never felt perfect enough for anyone to love me like other people were loved. I have always been a comparer and I always calculate myself as coming up short.
So, I've spent my life being a people pleaser, morphing into who I thought others wanted me to be, in the hopes of being loved and having someone stick around. As a result, I am not always authentic. I have always been the caretaker of others but the one easily discarded or ignored. I can't make decisions for fear of making the wrong one and making someone else unhappy. Unhappy people = abandonment in my mind.
My life turned a huge corner when I met my husband. No one in this world has ever loved me the way he loves me. In fact, it was his example of unconditional love, that actually allowed me to let the Christ I had always known, come into my heart. Up until that time, my spiritual life mirrored my personal life. If I am unlovable by the people closest to me, then, I am unlovable by my Creator, as well. I knew God to be a gracious and loving God for everyone else in the world but not for me.
For eight years, or so, God has been recreating me. He's helped me clean up my life. He showed me all my self destructive ways. It's amazing what one will allow when they have no self worth. He's given me new purpose and direction.
I quit my job to be a stay at home mom four years ago. I still get calls from my former employer to come back to work but I don't need to be successful in the marketplace to define my worth anymore.
I obediently followed when God said to homeschool. He gave me the backbone and the strength to stand up to the opposing voices that quickly came our way when we decided to pursue his will. Pretty amazing for a people pleaser! But, it's Him whom I want to please these days, not others.
He's given me a desire to be a teacher of his word to other women and he faithfully has brought many wonderful women into my life to mentor.
We have made great progress, He and I.
Any, yet, despite all this progress, I spent this week going deeper and deeper into a dark place. Imagine two mountains with a valley in the middle. I was on top of one of those mountains on Monday, but by Friday night, I was wandering around in the valley wondering how I would ever get out.
I felt myself begin to slip on Tuesday and instead of looking up for help, I allowed myself to look down, knowing full well where this would lead. I let doubt lead to inadequacy, and inadequacy lead to unlovable, and unlovable lead to my abandonment history, and my self worth just plummetted.
"God can't use me. In fact, God doesn't even love me. I'm fooling myself in thinking he ever did. I'm living in a pipe dream if I think God ever cared for me. Look at you, no one has ever loved you. You don't matter to anyone, never did. God created me just to be miserable."
These are the lies my mind tells me when I allow myself to slip off the mountain; when I go to the dark place outside of God's truthful light. I get lost in the valley of the shadows of death. My poor husband has to deal with my crying and self pity, my short temper, and my withdrawal to safety - alone. I go underground and I am of no help to anyone.
But, then, God sends the Great Shepherd to come and rescue me. He picks me up and gently reminds me that he loves me. He cradles me in his loving arms as he treks me back up the mountain, back into the full light of God's truth. He reminds me he has always loved me and has always been there for me. He reminds me of who I am in him and the plans he has for me. By Sunday morning, we are almost to the top again. I wake up thankful for all he has blessed me with in the later half of my life, ready to let it all go and move on.
During church this morning, I lay it all down at his feet. The years of hurt, the years of being alone, the years of measuring short, the years wasted. I ask forgiveness for not trusting, for not believing. I ask for help in staying on the mountaintop. I ask for the freedom to fly and soar, to have the weight removed from me so I am weightless and free to do his will without restriction and fear.
Then, He gives me this vision:
1. Stop trying to figure out why your life was what it was. Accept it as it is.
2. Stop trying to test everyone's love for you as authentic. Accept it as it is.
3. Stop trying to move up in the world and instead look down. Look at the world and see all the people in the world that feel the same way you do - unlovable/not worthy/abandoned. Use what you know about me to reach them with my love and hope.
4. Instead of trying to gain worldly love and acceptance, be filled up with the love I give, and let MY love pour out of you into others. Take the focus off yourself and focus instead on loving others in the way I have loved you.
5. Use ALL I have given you (even the bad) to my glory!
My battle with self worth is not over. Satan will wage that war against me my whole life but God has given me a battle plan to win the war. Extend past myself, take the weapons of war he provides, focus on winning the battle, trust in Him. He will keep me safe and bring me victoriously to the end.
And if on the day when he returns, I am standing there before him with many more who once thought themselves unworthy but stand there that day because of Christ love shown through me to them, I will have run the race well.
Monday, October 4, 2010
A Lesson for Parents
1 Samuel 3:13 (NIV)
For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.
In 1 Samuel, Eli had two sons that were doing wrong. They were idolaters and immoral people although they were of a priestly family. The disobeyed God openly and Eli knew about it. According to the law at the time, Eli should have called for their deaths due to their sin but instead he only mildly rebuked them. The rebuke was not strong enough to turn them from their ways and they continued to do as they pleased. Eli became a party to the sin by failing to stop it and God deals harshly with them.
Eli's two sons are killed in battle, many more descendants were massacred at Nob, and the priesthood is later transferred from his family to the family of Zadok by Solomon (The Bible Reader's Companion).
Scary stuff, huh?
Parents are responsible for their children's behavior. We have a God given responsibility to teach them right and wrong. Right and wrong according to God's Word, not the ever-changing value system of the world.
This means, as parents, we need to first know what God's Word says about right and wrong. As situations arise, we need to search the scriptures for what to do or how to handle. It needs to be our moral compass, our guidebook in all things, the truth we hold up against the lies of the world.
We need to be in prayer, asking God to help us discern and navigate all the situations that arise, and to ask for faith, trust, and strength to adhere to biblical principles even when the rest of the world seems to be going a different direction.
I'm concerned that most of my peers would say that if their son or daughter wanted to have sex before marriage, they would advise them to use birth control. If the son or daughter is a minor, they might even take them to the doctor to help them procure birth control.
I've heard comments like "if you are going to do it, at least be smart about it", or "Don't ruin my life or yours by getting pregnant".
This is defeated parenting and does nothing to address to root of the sin.
However, the reason parents go this route is varied but includes: being too busy, succumbing to the pressures of society and it's ever-changing morals, not having a good grasp of God's Word on the matter, not wanting any sort of discomfort for themselves or their child, not wanting to give up a lifestyle or a reputation, or just a plain inability to deny their child anything, even if it's bad for them.
Do we as Christians acknowledge that sex outside of marriage is wrong according to the standard set by God? Do we acknowledge that God's standards are good and pure and meant for our own good, not as a means to limit us, or somehow deny us something good? Do we understand that sin left unchecked is very hazardous to our souls and can be life ending? Not just here but for eternity? Do we realize that when we look the other way, try to eliminate the consequence, or blatantly participate in allowing it to continue we become party to the sin and party to the destruction.
We need to take this seriously, parents! Not just in this scenario but in all things related to our children, to parenting, and to our own self discipline and character. You can apply this to anything.
If underage drinking is illegal, and we are called to obey the laws of the land and the leaders of the land, then it is wrong in God's eyes to permit your child to drink while he/she is underage. It is wrong for you to host an underage drinking party (even if you blindly think you are protecting them by having it in your home instead of somewhere else), and it is wrong to supply the alcohol for them.
We must tow the line ourselves and be a good example to follow. We must expect a higher behavior and character then the rest of society. We must teach God's Word and adhere to it ourselves.
Our children will make mistakes and we can love them through their consequences and continue to teach and hold them accountable without destroying them.
For it is in allowing sin to go unchecked that destroys, not the consequence. We must be willing to allow the consequence in the hopes of saving the soul. It is our duty to allow God to work in their lives. If we lead them to believe God doesn't care what they do, they will never see the need to turn to him for help, for repentance, or for salvation.
I pray we make time to do the necessary things to be the kind of parents God expects us to be. We can start today. We can make a commitment today to begin reading God's Word daily. We can begin praying for God to show us where we are failing or where we need to step it up. We can begin to spend more time with our kids so we can understand where they might be in trouble. We can talk openly with our kids about what God expects.
I am not perfect as a person or as a parent but I know One who is, and I trust in Him to the best of my ability to lead me.
For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.
In 1 Samuel, Eli had two sons that were doing wrong. They were idolaters and immoral people although they were of a priestly family. The disobeyed God openly and Eli knew about it. According to the law at the time, Eli should have called for their deaths due to their sin but instead he only mildly rebuked them. The rebuke was not strong enough to turn them from their ways and they continued to do as they pleased. Eli became a party to the sin by failing to stop it and God deals harshly with them.
Eli's two sons are killed in battle, many more descendants were massacred at Nob, and the priesthood is later transferred from his family to the family of Zadok by Solomon (The Bible Reader's Companion).
Scary stuff, huh?
Parents are responsible for their children's behavior. We have a God given responsibility to teach them right and wrong. Right and wrong according to God's Word, not the ever-changing value system of the world.
This means, as parents, we need to first know what God's Word says about right and wrong. As situations arise, we need to search the scriptures for what to do or how to handle. It needs to be our moral compass, our guidebook in all things, the truth we hold up against the lies of the world.
We need to be in prayer, asking God to help us discern and navigate all the situations that arise, and to ask for faith, trust, and strength to adhere to biblical principles even when the rest of the world seems to be going a different direction.
I'm concerned that most of my peers would say that if their son or daughter wanted to have sex before marriage, they would advise them to use birth control. If the son or daughter is a minor, they might even take them to the doctor to help them procure birth control.
I've heard comments like "if you are going to do it, at least be smart about it", or "Don't ruin my life or yours by getting pregnant".
This is defeated parenting and does nothing to address to root of the sin.
However, the reason parents go this route is varied but includes: being too busy, succumbing to the pressures of society and it's ever-changing morals, not having a good grasp of God's Word on the matter, not wanting any sort of discomfort for themselves or their child, not wanting to give up a lifestyle or a reputation, or just a plain inability to deny their child anything, even if it's bad for them.
Do we as Christians acknowledge that sex outside of marriage is wrong according to the standard set by God? Do we acknowledge that God's standards are good and pure and meant for our own good, not as a means to limit us, or somehow deny us something good? Do we understand that sin left unchecked is very hazardous to our souls and can be life ending? Not just here but for eternity? Do we realize that when we look the other way, try to eliminate the consequence, or blatantly participate in allowing it to continue we become party to the sin and party to the destruction.
We need to take this seriously, parents! Not just in this scenario but in all things related to our children, to parenting, and to our own self discipline and character. You can apply this to anything.
If underage drinking is illegal, and we are called to obey the laws of the land and the leaders of the land, then it is wrong in God's eyes to permit your child to drink while he/she is underage. It is wrong for you to host an underage drinking party (even if you blindly think you are protecting them by having it in your home instead of somewhere else), and it is wrong to supply the alcohol for them.
We must tow the line ourselves and be a good example to follow. We must expect a higher behavior and character then the rest of society. We must teach God's Word and adhere to it ourselves.
Our children will make mistakes and we can love them through their consequences and continue to teach and hold them accountable without destroying them.
For it is in allowing sin to go unchecked that destroys, not the consequence. We must be willing to allow the consequence in the hopes of saving the soul. It is our duty to allow God to work in their lives. If we lead them to believe God doesn't care what they do, they will never see the need to turn to him for help, for repentance, or for salvation.
I pray we make time to do the necessary things to be the kind of parents God expects us to be. We can start today. We can make a commitment today to begin reading God's Word daily. We can begin praying for God to show us where we are failing or where we need to step it up. We can begin to spend more time with our kids so we can understand where they might be in trouble. We can talk openly with our kids about what God expects.
I am not perfect as a person or as a parent but I know One who is, and I trust in Him to the best of my ability to lead me.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Spirit of Truth
As we continue to Seek Christ this year and for the rest of our lives, we’ll hear the voice of lies that says we were made to be happy. I’m not buying it y’all. I know that we were made to Glorify God and to make Him known. We need to Seek Christ first and then joy will come. He’s so worth it, and I pray that our youth will understand this and live it. May we at the end of our lives say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith!” – 2 Timothy 4:7
These words were part of an email my husband received this morning. The sender is the youth leader at our church where my husband is a small group leader for sixth grade boys. The email is to prepare the small group leaders for the material that will be taught this week.
I found it so ironic that this week's topic is about listening to the Voice of Truth and how the 'pursuit of Jesus' is better than the 'pursuit of happiness', considering my own personal struggle with this idea the past two weeks.
It goes to show none of us are immune to the lies or competing voices. We need to fill ourselves up with the Word of God, hear the Voice of Truth, so we can discern the lies from the truth ourselves.
Pursue Christ instead of earthly treasure and you will find pure joy and lasting happiness!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Kept By the Spirit
My last blog post titled, Do the Lives of Others Look Good To You? was not really about who other people are or are not but had to do more with the state of my own heart at the time. I was being real about what I was struggling with at the moment.
For those of you who read my posts, this is what I want you to know about my last post:
My own heart was trying to deceive me and turn me from the path of God. My own heart was lying to me about what I need. My own heart was trying to destroy me. I was wrestling with my own heart.
But,
I was kept by the Spirit!
The world under Satan's control lies to us all the time. But, do we realize that our own hearts do the same? Our natural self is evil because of sin. We naturally want the things opposite of God. So, we are in a constant spiritual battle between our will and God's will.
Sometimes we give in to our own wills and begin to turn our backs to God. If we turn completely away and begin walking in the opposite direction, we will soon find ourselves wandering in the far off land - lost.
Christians do turn once in awhile. I believe they even begin walking and sometimes do get lost in the far off land.
However, the Holy Spirit living in us, sends us warning signals, convicts us of the fact that we have chosen the wrong direction, and will steer us back on course if we cooperate.
Cooperation = heeding the warning, turning back, and asking for forgiveness.
If we choose to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit and continue on our merry way, I am confident God will orchastrate a grand rescue to bring us back home. It says in the bible that not one of his can be snatched from his hand. So, whether it is Satan, the world, or our own hearts that lead us astray it is only temporary; God will prevail in the end because Jesus has paid the price for us and we are his treasured people.
So, I was turning.
The Holy Spirit used my husband's words to convict me.
I cooperated. I heeded the warning. I realized what I was walking towards was a lie, a fake substitute, a fleeting fulfillment. I had turned away from the truth, from the power to overcome, and from the only true source of peace and joy because I beleived a lie. I realized it only because of the power of the Holy Spirit to convict who lives in me.
I turned back to God. I repented of my sin and he restored me unto him.
I believe it's important for Christians to be real with other Christians. To be honest that we all struggle, that we're not perfect yet, and we all still need a Savior! It's even more important to point out the power of the Holy Spirit to keep us.
My bible verse for this blog is Psalm 66:16 Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.
I'm letting you know what he has done for me.
He has saved me from my own heart by his perfect truth. I have been kept by the Spirit!
Thank you Lord Jesus for your gift of salvation and for the gift of the Holy Spirit that continues to keep us until you return to gather us home!
For those of you who read my posts, this is what I want you to know about my last post:
My own heart was trying to deceive me and turn me from the path of God. My own heart was lying to me about what I need. My own heart was trying to destroy me. I was wrestling with my own heart.
But,
I was kept by the Spirit!
The world under Satan's control lies to us all the time. But, do we realize that our own hearts do the same? Our natural self is evil because of sin. We naturally want the things opposite of God. So, we are in a constant spiritual battle between our will and God's will.
Sometimes we give in to our own wills and begin to turn our backs to God. If we turn completely away and begin walking in the opposite direction, we will soon find ourselves wandering in the far off land - lost.
Christians do turn once in awhile. I believe they even begin walking and sometimes do get lost in the far off land.
However, the Holy Spirit living in us, sends us warning signals, convicts us of the fact that we have chosen the wrong direction, and will steer us back on course if we cooperate.
Cooperation = heeding the warning, turning back, and asking for forgiveness.
If we choose to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit and continue on our merry way, I am confident God will orchastrate a grand rescue to bring us back home. It says in the bible that not one of his can be snatched from his hand. So, whether it is Satan, the world, or our own hearts that lead us astray it is only temporary; God will prevail in the end because Jesus has paid the price for us and we are his treasured people.
So, I was turning.
The Holy Spirit used my husband's words to convict me.
I cooperated. I heeded the warning. I realized what I was walking towards was a lie, a fake substitute, a fleeting fulfillment. I had turned away from the truth, from the power to overcome, and from the only true source of peace and joy because I beleived a lie. I realized it only because of the power of the Holy Spirit to convict who lives in me.
I turned back to God. I repented of my sin and he restored me unto him.
I believe it's important for Christians to be real with other Christians. To be honest that we all struggle, that we're not perfect yet, and we all still need a Savior! It's even more important to point out the power of the Holy Spirit to keep us.
My bible verse for this blog is Psalm 66:16 Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.
I'm letting you know what he has done for me.
He has saved me from my own heart by his perfect truth. I have been kept by the Spirit!
Thank you Lord Jesus for your gift of salvation and for the gift of the Holy Spirit that continues to keep us until you return to gather us home!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Do the Lives of Others Look Too Good To You?
As a stay at home, homeschooling mom, I don't get out much.
This wasn't always the case, but, in recent years my life has gravitated away from a full time work schedule, a full time social schedule, and a full time 'me' schedule. Most days, I am very happy with my life as it evolves into what God has in store for me. But, I admit there are days I think I am missing out on something.
These feelings came out this past weekend as I talked with others at a funeral, of all places. While we waited for the family to return from the burial for the lunch that was to be served, we caught up with friends we hadn't seen in quite sometime. Former colleagues of mine, and their spouses. As I listened to their exciting stories and escapades, I started to feel a little envious.
It seems as my husband and I were trudging along raising children, everyone else was having the time of their life doing all sorts of things. Needless to say, most of my peers are ready to become empty nesters in the next few years, while our youngest is only two. They are beginning the process of pulling away from their children (or children pulling away from them - depending on whom you are talking to) and discovering what they like to do as a couple free from the daily routine of child rearing.
I used the phrase earlier, "trudging along" because it just seems like for the last few years it's been a tough road. Teenagers can make life difficult at times and so can a 2 year old. There always seems to be a temper tantrum going on, a rebellion that has to be squashed, or all our energy is needed to prevent someone from doing something too bad or getting too hurt. Sometimes life can feel overwhelming.
Apparently, life was feeling a little burdensome on my end this weekend but as I talked with my long lost friends, Oh, I sensed they didn't experience any burden. Envy set in. The entire ride home all I talked about was how good they had it.
My husband was very patience with me as I pointed out things.
"Did you see her designer purse?
"Do you know they go out to eat every Friday night and meet three other couples for drinks after their kids sporting events?"
"They go upnorth for the weekend and leave their teenagers home alone."
Later in the day, I was still talking about them. I noted how happy and carefree they seemed. They seemed to have so many friends. They seemed to have whatever they wanted and didn't seem to have any problems.
Now, my husband, a discerning christian man, calming points out to me that these very people I am so envious of, and want to aspire to be like (even if temporarily), are dead! "What is there to envy about death?"
I knew he was right. They were not saved individuals. They did not know Christ as their Savior. They seemed more carefree because they followed their own desires and fleshy wills. They did what they wanted, when they wanted, and however they wanted to do it because they answered to no one but themselves. I knew he was right but I still needed to wrestle with it in my mind a little longer. Maybe I just didn't want to let the fantasy go. Maybe I was trying to figure out a way to have Christ as my Lord and still have what they have.
God, as he always does, convicts me and then gently leads me to repentance. Then, after I have yielded my will back to him and humbly ask to be restored, he gives me an explanation. A piece of wisdom or understanding to reinforce what he is teaching me through the situation. For me, it usually happens when I am reading his word.
I have been reading a chapter a day in the Psalms. Today, Chapter 73 was up. By verse 2, I knew this was God's timing and God's personal words for me.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong. [a]
5 They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
That's exactly how I was feeling. I almost, almost was willing to walk away from my faith for something that appeared to look better to me.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
I had acted bitterly toward God and my thinking was skewed and stupid. How awful of me to have forgotten what the love of a beautiful Lord is worth.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
What humility I felt knowing God did not hold my stupidity against me. He didn't leave me or forsake me even though I contemplated doing it to him. He gently reminded me of who he is, what he's done for me, and what it is worth. It is worth EVERYTHING!
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds
It is good to be near the Sovereign Lord!
It is easy to get enticed by the world and the things of the world, especially during a difficult time. I wanted to escape the current situation our family finds itself in at the moment. I wanted relief. I wanted to be someone else. I got tangled up and saw an escape route. I thought I'd take it instead of sticking it out like God wanted me to do.
I've discovered it's hot here in the fire of refinement but God has reminded me it is worth it!
He has kept me, restored me, renewed me, guided me, showed me the permanent relief yet to come, and the glory yet to be revealed!
I will tell of all your deeds!
This wasn't always the case, but, in recent years my life has gravitated away from a full time work schedule, a full time social schedule, and a full time 'me' schedule. Most days, I am very happy with my life as it evolves into what God has in store for me. But, I admit there are days I think I am missing out on something.
These feelings came out this past weekend as I talked with others at a funeral, of all places. While we waited for the family to return from the burial for the lunch that was to be served, we caught up with friends we hadn't seen in quite sometime. Former colleagues of mine, and their spouses. As I listened to their exciting stories and escapades, I started to feel a little envious.
It seems as my husband and I were trudging along raising children, everyone else was having the time of their life doing all sorts of things. Needless to say, most of my peers are ready to become empty nesters in the next few years, while our youngest is only two. They are beginning the process of pulling away from their children (or children pulling away from them - depending on whom you are talking to) and discovering what they like to do as a couple free from the daily routine of child rearing.
I used the phrase earlier, "trudging along" because it just seems like for the last few years it's been a tough road. Teenagers can make life difficult at times and so can a 2 year old. There always seems to be a temper tantrum going on, a rebellion that has to be squashed, or all our energy is needed to prevent someone from doing something too bad or getting too hurt. Sometimes life can feel overwhelming.
Apparently, life was feeling a little burdensome on my end this weekend but as I talked with my long lost friends, Oh, I sensed they didn't experience any burden. Envy set in. The entire ride home all I talked about was how good they had it.
My husband was very patience with me as I pointed out things.
"Did you see her designer purse?
"Do you know they go out to eat every Friday night and meet three other couples for drinks after their kids sporting events?"
"They go upnorth for the weekend and leave their teenagers home alone."
Later in the day, I was still talking about them. I noted how happy and carefree they seemed. They seemed to have so many friends. They seemed to have whatever they wanted and didn't seem to have any problems.
Now, my husband, a discerning christian man, calming points out to me that these very people I am so envious of, and want to aspire to be like (even if temporarily), are dead! "What is there to envy about death?"
I knew he was right. They were not saved individuals. They did not know Christ as their Savior. They seemed more carefree because they followed their own desires and fleshy wills. They did what they wanted, when they wanted, and however they wanted to do it because they answered to no one but themselves. I knew he was right but I still needed to wrestle with it in my mind a little longer. Maybe I just didn't want to let the fantasy go. Maybe I was trying to figure out a way to have Christ as my Lord and still have what they have.
God, as he always does, convicts me and then gently leads me to repentance. Then, after I have yielded my will back to him and humbly ask to be restored, he gives me an explanation. A piece of wisdom or understanding to reinforce what he is teaching me through the situation. For me, it usually happens when I am reading his word.
I have been reading a chapter a day in the Psalms. Today, Chapter 73 was up. By verse 2, I knew this was God's timing and God's personal words for me.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong. [a]
5 They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
That's exactly how I was feeling. I almost, almost was willing to walk away from my faith for something that appeared to look better to me.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
I had acted bitterly toward God and my thinking was skewed and stupid. How awful of me to have forgotten what the love of a beautiful Lord is worth.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
What humility I felt knowing God did not hold my stupidity against me. He didn't leave me or forsake me even though I contemplated doing it to him. He gently reminded me of who he is, what he's done for me, and what it is worth. It is worth EVERYTHING!
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds
It is good to be near the Sovereign Lord!
It is easy to get enticed by the world and the things of the world, especially during a difficult time. I wanted to escape the current situation our family finds itself in at the moment. I wanted relief. I wanted to be someone else. I got tangled up and saw an escape route. I thought I'd take it instead of sticking it out like God wanted me to do.
I've discovered it's hot here in the fire of refinement but God has reminded me it is worth it!
He has kept me, restored me, renewed me, guided me, showed me the permanent relief yet to come, and the glory yet to be revealed!
I will tell of all your deeds!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Answer to Prayer
Our family is working through a difficult time. One day I broke down before my Lord and asked why. Why our family? Why now? Why us? I poured my heart out to him and laid my burden at his feet but I still wanted answers. I still wanted to know if there was a purpose in all of this. If there was a reason the circumstances will play out this particular way.
God was faithful and provided an answer to my prayer in the story of the blind man found in the book of John, chapter 9, of the bible. It came to me in two parts. The first part was for me. I knew it was God's answer as soon as I read it.
The second part was for another person in my family and it came as I read this story to a family member out loud. As I read, I expected the same revelation of understanding to be given (found in verses 1-3) that gave me so much peace but it wasn't until the end of the story that the revelation of peace came to the other person. I knew, too, as soon as I read verses 35-38 that this is the part of the message God wanted this person to have.
John 9:1-3
1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
3"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.
There was a purpose! God was going to take a life and change it through these circumstances! As a result, God's work would be displayed in this person's life for others to see and marvel at the transformation. This process may be quick, but I am more inclined to think, it will be a long process. But, it started here, in this circumstance, at this point in time. This is the defining moment that will bring about the work of God in this life.
I, also, believe how I handle the situation will display the work of God already taken place in my own life. He has prepared me for this time. He gives me strength now. He holds me up and gives me joy and peace in the midst of the difficult time. The work of God in me will be evident to those around me as they see me rise above the circumstance with hope and grace. Thank you Lord.
John 9:35-38
35Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"
36"Who is he, sir?" the man asked. "Tell me so that I may believe in him."
37Jesus said, "You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you."
38Then the man said, "Lord, I believe," and he worshiped him.
I believe that Jesus wants to reveal himself through these circumstances in a very intimate way to some who have never thought to look for him or have not yet found him. I don't believe he caused the situation but he allowed it, and there is heavenly purpose. Souls will meet the life source of our Living Lord and Savior and be saved and transformed! These very souls, made alive in Christ, will testify to the goodness of God's grace to others. It's all part of the great story of how God draws men onto himself.
How can I rebel against the work of God? I can't. I must rely on him for strength and continued grace to see us through. I trust in his promises and his love, but more importantly, in his power to turn this around for his purpose.
God was faithful and provided an answer to my prayer in the story of the blind man found in the book of John, chapter 9, of the bible. It came to me in two parts. The first part was for me. I knew it was God's answer as soon as I read it.
The second part was for another person in my family and it came as I read this story to a family member out loud. As I read, I expected the same revelation of understanding to be given (found in verses 1-3) that gave me so much peace but it wasn't until the end of the story that the revelation of peace came to the other person. I knew, too, as soon as I read verses 35-38 that this is the part of the message God wanted this person to have.
John 9:1-3
1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"
3"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.
There was a purpose! God was going to take a life and change it through these circumstances! As a result, God's work would be displayed in this person's life for others to see and marvel at the transformation. This process may be quick, but I am more inclined to think, it will be a long process. But, it started here, in this circumstance, at this point in time. This is the defining moment that will bring about the work of God in this life.
I, also, believe how I handle the situation will display the work of God already taken place in my own life. He has prepared me for this time. He gives me strength now. He holds me up and gives me joy and peace in the midst of the difficult time. The work of God in me will be evident to those around me as they see me rise above the circumstance with hope and grace. Thank you Lord.
John 9:35-38
35Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"
36"Who is he, sir?" the man asked. "Tell me so that I may believe in him."
37Jesus said, "You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you."
38Then the man said, "Lord, I believe," and he worshiped him.
I believe that Jesus wants to reveal himself through these circumstances in a very intimate way to some who have never thought to look for him or have not yet found him. I don't believe he caused the situation but he allowed it, and there is heavenly purpose. Souls will meet the life source of our Living Lord and Savior and be saved and transformed! These very souls, made alive in Christ, will testify to the goodness of God's grace to others. It's all part of the great story of how God draws men onto himself.
How can I rebel against the work of God? I can't. I must rely on him for strength and continued grace to see us through. I trust in his promises and his love, but more importantly, in his power to turn this around for his purpose.
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