I've Been There

I was a junior in high school when I became pregnant with my first child. If I were to pick from the list of reasons stated in a previous blog about why women choose abortion, I could identify with all the reasons listed. I could even add a few more to the list like the fear of my parents, the judgments of others, and the stigma associated with being an unmarried mother. Abortion was an available option to me at the time. I could have chosen that route. I grew up in a Christian home with Christian values and even if I was still deciding what that meant for me personally I knew deep down in my heart that God would not approve of me killing a child. It was a sin far worse than one I had already committed. I believed then and I still do today, two wrongs do not make a right!

I know what these women feel and experience that leads them to making their personal decision because I’ve been there. I brought shame to my family at a time when they didn’t need any more attention drawn to our family. I heard what people said about me. I had friends who told me their parents banned them from hanging out with me. I had to quit playing sports. I had to give up my social life. I had to give up my dream for college. I was alienated. I was alone. I was full of guilt and shame. I endured this pain for many years and I made many future decisions out of this pain. I know all too well the consequence of my choice, the financial strain, the loss of freedom, the everyday struggle to be all things to my child as a single parent, and then later the strain of blended families. My child struggles at times with the brokenness of this situation still today.

Would have choosing an abortion made my life easier? On the surface, maybe. If all I was concerned about was what others thought of me then yes, an abortion may have prevented me from experiencing the element of human judgment. However, let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that if we hide from people we hide from God too. God sees! We may fool everyone else but we will not fool Him.

Would have choosing an abortion prevented the hurt my daughter sometimes feels today? Yes, along with all of the other things she feels today like the love for her own husband and daughter. Who am I to deny all that God has intended for her? Who am I to put myself above her?

This last question just reminded me of Jesus. He could have put His own needs above all of us and chosen not to endure his own personal pain and in the process deny us all His grace and mercy. Thank God, He was willing to bear the consequence of our sin!

Finally, I believe in an Awesome God. A God who is willing and capable of turning bad situations around and creating good out of the mess we create ourselves. When I promote Right To Life issues, I am also promoting the fact that anything is possible with God and that God’s grace is sufficient!