A First Hand View of Fathers

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
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Exasperate: to irritate, anger, vex

Sadly, today I saw two examples of how fathers have exasperated their children.

1. The absent Father
2. The verbally abusive Father

I was sitting in the very packed waiting room at the county health department waiting for my daughter to receive her immunizations. I encountered a single mom and her son who was around 10-12 years old. He had overhead the nurse mention to his mother that four shots were needed. The boy became angry and through gritted teeth told his mother that he would only receive two shots today and she would have bring him back another day for the other two. The mother did not reply. Again, the boy, more forceful now, repeated his demand. This time the mother said, "You will do what they tell you to do!" Now, the boy fighting back tears and no longer caring who else heard him, told his mother they would not hold him down and he was only getting two! If they tried to do four he would leave!

My heart cried out for this little boy. His anger was stemming from his great fear of getting the shots and it accelerated as his sense of control waned. I sense that his mother was growing weary of having to be both mother and father to her son and was torn between sympathy and discipline at the moment. I also sensed she was feeling like she was failing and who wouldn't in this situation.

A growing boy needs his father. This boy needed a strong, yet sensitive father to put his hand on his shoulder and say, "Son, I know you are afraid but I also know you are tough and can handle whatever life throws at you, including these shots today. And, I'll be right here by your side, I won't leave you." Instead, this boy was EXASPERATED by his father because he was absent in his life!

After I had my consultation with the desk attendant we were back in the waiting room waiting for our turn to see the nurse. Now, we had a mom, dad, and two early school aged daughters sitting next to us. The girls were being active as kids usually are and the mother was desperately trying to control them or redirect their energy. The father just sat there very loudly sighing, which I took as a sign of his displeasure in his wife's inability to control the situation but not knowing quite what to do himself.

This went on for a little bit when finally the dad spoke up, but then I wished he hadn't. When he spoke I wished my daughter wouldn't have heard his words. He said, "I'm going to back hand you across the face!" In the next five minutes, he said these same words three more times. He never once explained what behavior he wanted them to stop doing or what his expectations were of them. He simply threatened violence.

How can a child respond to that? I'm confident his wife was thinking, 'Thanks, but no thanks for the help!' I wonder if his wife still cries out inside at these types of outburst or was she long past thinking this was unacceptable. These poor little girls will grow up thinking they deserve to be spoken to or treated like this because of the example their father set. This father may have been present in their lives, but he EXASPERATED his children by not understanding correctly his role as father and poorly executing his authority and support of his family.

I prayed for both these familites as I encountered them and thanked the Lord that my own husband is a good and godly father to my daughters.

There were also two teenage boys in the waiting room each with their own fathers. I know that not every father can get out of work to take their sons to the doctor, but you could tell that these fathers had invested more than just today in their children. These boys were respectful and calm in demenor. They interacted with their fathers and the nurses tenderly. There was a lightheartedness about them, not a soul filled with rage, fear, or a sense of being out of control. I clearly saw today the difference between a present/absent father and a loving,confident/empty, incompetent father. I grieve for these families who struggle and pray God will be sought and healing will occur in their relationships.