Townhall.com Audio Player
Creators of the Manhattan Declaration discuss Prop 8 on Hugh Hewitt show.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Fear and Ineffectiveness
I read these words this morning and wrote them down in my journal.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
This afternoon I was completing an application for a class I want to take through our church called Character Development. One of the questions on the application ask, 'why do you want to take this class?'. I wrote down four reasons, and it's reasons number three and four that reminded me of this verse from this morning.
Reason # 3: I feel Satan still uses my past to attack me and frustrate my usefulness for Christ. So, although I am afraid to be honest, I recognize the need to bring it to light so it can't be used against me in secret anymore.
Reason # 4: I don't want to hide behind a mask of who I think others want me to be. I want to be real.
Most of my adult life, I have hid my true self because I was afraid if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. My greatest fear has always been abandonment and it is deeply rooted since my childhood.
I really don't know how the class works but I have heard from others that it is pretty heavy stuff. They apparently take you all the way back to your childhood to understand how you were shaped and how that affects you today. I have heard that every week there is a woman crying and that you have to share some pretty personal things. Well, you can just imagine my fear. I have joked with others that I couldn't possibly take the class because I would take up the entire class myself or I'd be crying every week.
Under my cover of indifference through self depreciation, is really a great fear of being discovered. I have not been 100% sure if I am ready to exposed all those carefully hidden secrets, reopen old wounds, or put myself in such a vulnerable position. I alternate between thinking 'I can do it' to 'no, I can't'. I went as far as to request the application to at least see what it looked like, and find out what kind of questions they would ask. It wasn't anything too earth shattering, and it definitely did not give me any indication what to expect from the class itself, and yet, I sobbed as I tried to fill it out.
Do you know why I sobbed? It's not because of what you might think but rather because I saw for the first time how Satan had lied to me for most of my life with whispers that I was not good enough for God, or others, to love me. I had bought Satan's lie, and I had spent a lot of energy, for years, pretending to be on the outside who I thought I should be, and concealing the real me out of fear of being abandoned and left alone. This fear kept me believing that God couldn't love me and so I didn't pursue a relationship with him.
I cried because of the time lost being separated from a loving Father. My mind could actually go back through time, as if rewinding a video tape, to a specific moment in time; years earlier, to the beginning of buying the lie. My mind quickly worked it's way forward through time to the point when the lie started to lose it's power over me. It was like marking two spots on a timeline. I knew exactly when I bought the lie and I knew how long I held on to it. As I traveled in my mind, back and forth over those years, rewinding and fast forwarding the metaphoric video, I grieved over time lost and I felt cheated and robbed of how the first half of my life could have been!
Have you ever given something away only to find yourself in possession of it again? Well, I realized today, I am, at times, in possession of the lie even though I gave it away. It seems to keep coming back. Do you know why? Because Satan knows he can still hurt me with it. As long as I keep the catalyst hidden from others, he can use it against me. He can continue to get me to believe that I am not good enough. Even though I know better, and I have been reconciled to God through grace, Satan knows I have been hesitant to share with others those same things I have shared with God. The fear of others knowing, the fear of being judged, and the fear of being abandoned cause me to be ineffective for Christ at times.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
God is calling me to be made perfect through his perfect love. To trust him like never before. To take a risk, to face my fears, to be real with another person. He wants to show me that his perfect love is sufficient to release me and set me free to soar! I am thinking if I share with another Christian, and can be loved, despite (which can only happen because of the love of Christ), then Satan can no longer hold me captive in this area. This will help me with reasons number one and two on why I want to take this class.
Reason # 1: To be an effective Christ follower.
Reason # 2: To be an effective teacher for my children and any woman God brings into my life to mentor.
God is good!
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
This afternoon I was completing an application for a class I want to take through our church called Character Development. One of the questions on the application ask, 'why do you want to take this class?'. I wrote down four reasons, and it's reasons number three and four that reminded me of this verse from this morning.
Reason # 3: I feel Satan still uses my past to attack me and frustrate my usefulness for Christ. So, although I am afraid to be honest, I recognize the need to bring it to light so it can't be used against me in secret anymore.
Reason # 4: I don't want to hide behind a mask of who I think others want me to be. I want to be real.
Most of my adult life, I have hid my true self because I was afraid if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. My greatest fear has always been abandonment and it is deeply rooted since my childhood.
I really don't know how the class works but I have heard from others that it is pretty heavy stuff. They apparently take you all the way back to your childhood to understand how you were shaped and how that affects you today. I have heard that every week there is a woman crying and that you have to share some pretty personal things. Well, you can just imagine my fear. I have joked with others that I couldn't possibly take the class because I would take up the entire class myself or I'd be crying every week.
Under my cover of indifference through self depreciation, is really a great fear of being discovered. I have not been 100% sure if I am ready to exposed all those carefully hidden secrets, reopen old wounds, or put myself in such a vulnerable position. I alternate between thinking 'I can do it' to 'no, I can't'. I went as far as to request the application to at least see what it looked like, and find out what kind of questions they would ask. It wasn't anything too earth shattering, and it definitely did not give me any indication what to expect from the class itself, and yet, I sobbed as I tried to fill it out.
Do you know why I sobbed? It's not because of what you might think but rather because I saw for the first time how Satan had lied to me for most of my life with whispers that I was not good enough for God, or others, to love me. I had bought Satan's lie, and I had spent a lot of energy, for years, pretending to be on the outside who I thought I should be, and concealing the real me out of fear of being abandoned and left alone. This fear kept me believing that God couldn't love me and so I didn't pursue a relationship with him.
I cried because of the time lost being separated from a loving Father. My mind could actually go back through time, as if rewinding a video tape, to a specific moment in time; years earlier, to the beginning of buying the lie. My mind quickly worked it's way forward through time to the point when the lie started to lose it's power over me. It was like marking two spots on a timeline. I knew exactly when I bought the lie and I knew how long I held on to it. As I traveled in my mind, back and forth over those years, rewinding and fast forwarding the metaphoric video, I grieved over time lost and I felt cheated and robbed of how the first half of my life could have been!
Have you ever given something away only to find yourself in possession of it again? Well, I realized today, I am, at times, in possession of the lie even though I gave it away. It seems to keep coming back. Do you know why? Because Satan knows he can still hurt me with it. As long as I keep the catalyst hidden from others, he can use it against me. He can continue to get me to believe that I am not good enough. Even though I know better, and I have been reconciled to God through grace, Satan knows I have been hesitant to share with others those same things I have shared with God. The fear of others knowing, the fear of being judged, and the fear of being abandoned cause me to be ineffective for Christ at times.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
God is calling me to be made perfect through his perfect love. To trust him like never before. To take a risk, to face my fears, to be real with another person. He wants to show me that his perfect love is sufficient to release me and set me free to soar! I am thinking if I share with another Christian, and can be loved, despite (which can only happen because of the love of Christ), then Satan can no longer hold me captive in this area. This will help me with reasons number one and two on why I want to take this class.
Reason # 1: To be an effective Christ follower.
Reason # 2: To be an effective teacher for my children and any woman God brings into my life to mentor.
God is good!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Second Family Vacation
We had the privilege of two family vacations this summer. Our first was out west to Yellowstone and involved a lot of driving. Our second was much more relaxing and felt more like what a vacation should be.
We rented a cabin on a lake in northern Wisconsin for a week. We just kind of cocooned as a family and hung out together. We read books, individually and as a family, the girls worked on sudoko's and crossword puzzles, lounged in lawn chairs down by the water soaking in the warm sun, fished from the dock, went swimming in the lake, took a boat ride, rode a jet ski, went horseback riding, drove race cars at the Go-Cart track, and took lots of naps.
We had some adventures, too. Two mornings in a row we had a group of bats sleeping between the inside and outside doors to the cabin. The outside door was missing a screen which made it easy for the bats to move in. My husband was chosen as the one to rouse them out (as the girls and I were prepared to die in the cabin and never attempt to leave. I'll never forget him trying to pick one bat up with two very long sticks to toss it into the woods (it had a broken wing and couldn't fly)as we prayed he wouldn't get bit by the bat and have to endure rabies shots. We were able to avoid that situation.
The hot water heater decided to break during our stay and it was out of service for two days before getting fixed. Funny, how we take things like a hot shower everyday for granted until you can't have it.
I believe God used this experience to humble us because it was during these 'no shower days' that we were asked by another couple to ride on their boat with them and then go out to eat with them - at the fanciest restaurant in the area. To top it off, our youngest daughter had a complete meltdown in the restaurant which resulted in the biggest temper tantrum in the history of the world by a two year old. The stares of all the older people in the restaurant and their looks of "Why can't she control her child?" were contributing to my other problem of not having showered in two days.
As my husband keeps telling me, "These days will soon pass and I will miss them" so I will laugh about it now but it was not funny as it was happening.
I did want to mention though that by the end of the week my teenage daughter was initiating hugs with me and telling me she loved me. That hadn't happened in a long time so I guess cocooning as a family is just what she needed.
I am thankful! God has been very good to us!
We rented a cabin on a lake in northern Wisconsin for a week. We just kind of cocooned as a family and hung out together. We read books, individually and as a family, the girls worked on sudoko's and crossword puzzles, lounged in lawn chairs down by the water soaking in the warm sun, fished from the dock, went swimming in the lake, took a boat ride, rode a jet ski, went horseback riding, drove race cars at the Go-Cart track, and took lots of naps.
We had some adventures, too. Two mornings in a row we had a group of bats sleeping between the inside and outside doors to the cabin. The outside door was missing a screen which made it easy for the bats to move in. My husband was chosen as the one to rouse them out (as the girls and I were prepared to die in the cabin and never attempt to leave. I'll never forget him trying to pick one bat up with two very long sticks to toss it into the woods (it had a broken wing and couldn't fly)as we prayed he wouldn't get bit by the bat and have to endure rabies shots. We were able to avoid that situation.
The hot water heater decided to break during our stay and it was out of service for two days before getting fixed. Funny, how we take things like a hot shower everyday for granted until you can't have it.
I believe God used this experience to humble us because it was during these 'no shower days' that we were asked by another couple to ride on their boat with them and then go out to eat with them - at the fanciest restaurant in the area. To top it off, our youngest daughter had a complete meltdown in the restaurant which resulted in the biggest temper tantrum in the history of the world by a two year old. The stares of all the older people in the restaurant and their looks of "Why can't she control her child?" were contributing to my other problem of not having showered in two days.
As my husband keeps telling me, "These days will soon pass and I will miss them" so I will laugh about it now but it was not funny as it was happening.
I did want to mention though that by the end of the week my teenage daughter was initiating hugs with me and telling me she loved me. That hadn't happened in a long time so I guess cocooning as a family is just what she needed.
I am thankful! God has been very good to us!
Monday, August 9, 2010
We Don't Love Children, We Love Drywall
We Don't Love Children, We Love Drywall
I found this blog post on another website that promotes Beautiful Womanhood at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ that was so good I had to share it.
I found this blog post on another website that promotes Beautiful Womanhood at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ that was so good I had to share it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)