Old Me, New Me

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires, but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. Romans 8:5

I am divorced and remarried.

There is a night and day difference between my first marriage and my second marriage. Why?

50% of the first marriage involved me and 50% of my second marriage involves me. So, honestly, how can there be such a difference?

Exchanging one husband for another didn't get rid of my contributions to the marriage. In reality, many of the issues I had in the first marriage would automatically carry over into the second, just because I am the common denominator in both circumstances. And, yet, there is such a difference. Why?

Here's the answer: I am not the same person anymore! I am a new creation in Jesus Christ!

This morning I made a quick inventory of the things I value most. Then, I made a list of the things I USE to value in this life. Take a look.

VALUE NOW / VALUED THEN

God / Career

My Bible / Money

Husband / Power

Children / Recognition

Grandchildren / Credit Card

Extended Family / Weekends-ME Time

Friends / Cigarettes

Small Groups / Clothes

Homemaker Role / Promotions

Church / Significance

What use to drive me, determined how I spent my time and who I spent my time with. I was working more than I was in the home. When I wasn't working, I was trying to create the illusion of success and power through shopping and leisure activities that we could not afford. I wasn't just trying to 'keep up with the Joneses', I wanted to surpass them. I abdicated my motherly role to daycare providers. I stifled my husband. I brought financial insecurity to my family. I was selfish, trying to get mine, and seeking to be significant. Emotional baggage and childhood hurts added to the fuel. I was very unwilling to trust in anyone but myself. I had walls up around my heart so that I couldn't be hurt by anyone. I made poor decisions out of a deep need to stay in control. This was my 50% contribution to my first marriage.

This is the same state and type of contributing that I entered into my second marriage with. So, why is the outcome so different?

At first, I gave all the credit to my husband, putting him up on a pedestal. He was perfect in every way and somehow he would be able to hold this all together by his sheer perfectness. What a surprise when I discovered he wasn't all that I made him out to be. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful husband and I love him dearly, but we both had shortcomings.

But, God began a work in both of us and continues to do so today. Neither one of us are close to being the same people anymore. Our hearts are different. What use to be important is no longer. What use to motivate us no longer has the same effect. What use to make us feel significant no longer fills us up. The past no longer holds us hostage. The present no longer is meaningless. The future now holds much hope and promise. We have found purpose in God's story!

In Mark 9:33-37, the disciples discuss who is the greatest, and Jesus tells them in order to be the greatest you must become the least. Words of contradictions: Greatest/Least; First/Last; Prideful/Humble; Authority/Servant; Master/Slave; Willful/Submissive.

I tried to get all the 'first' words for myself, my way. This is the way of the world and the flesh. I have since learned that taking the heart position of the 'second' set of words brings peace and order to our lives. Our reward is in heaven and awaits us there. I no longer need the reward of this world to gain significance and meaning.

Many of you have been able to save your first marriages by the grace of God, and you will be so blessed for it. I, however, didn't allow God in soon enough to save my first marriage or my children from all of that pain. My greatest regret is also my greatest failure. However, God is gracious and good, and has given me a second chance. He dwells in us and we trust in him. God is the difference in this marriage. To him be the glory!