It's been two months since I last posted something on my blog. I didn't realize it had been so long until a few friends commented that I must be busy because when they check my site there's nothing new there.
First of all, I'm humbled to know someone cares about what I think and have to say, or have been touched in some way by something in my blog. Thank you for your ear and compassion toward me.
With that said, "Life sure is busy sometimes!" Isn't it?
Let's see what have I been up to lately. . .
As you know, our family got a little bigger this past February with the birth of our granddaughter, Aubriana. I've written and erased many lines here trying to convey the events surrounding the transition in our home and I still can't put my finger on how to relay those things to the public yet. It's been a challenge, an adjustment, but also a huge blessing.
Our youngest daughter started speech therapy in our home twice a week. There was an evaluation process to go through, doctors visits, school visits, etc. to get her in the program. She's doing great but it's another thing that has to be done.
We're still homeschooling and it was that time of the year to begin to think and plan for next year. That required a lot of time, thought, and prayer - above and beyond.
My daughter who is trying to complete her senior year while being a new mom was taking an on-line course which meant she had the computer more than I did.
My husband has been traveling a lot this year for work but we were able to take a wonderful trip to Chicago for a four day weekend by ourselves - no kids. That was much needed. I'm waiting for him to come home from Baltimore today.
In addition to my women's bible study, I began mentoring a friend of my daughter's who is searching for answers to questions like who is God, etc. The birth of our granddaughter has brought many people into our home and has opened up a lot of opportunity for us to share the gospel with others. I am amazed at how God brings people to us, we don't even need to leave our home.
On top of all of that, my mind has been mush lately. There is a lot going on in our lives and sometimes I can't take another thing into my brain much less formulate a clear statement on something for my blog. We've had a long winter here in Wisconsin and have been cooped up inside too long. I need to get out and get some exercise and clear this brain fog.
No excuses - just explaining what has been up in my life and I hope to get back in the swing of things soon.
I hope all is well with all of you. I'll be back soon - don't give up on me!
God's Blessings!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Family Tree
Last week, our bible study group read Matthew 1 which gives the genealogy of Jesus back to Abraham. The very next day, my daughter had an article to read in God World News about the genealogy of African Americans, and how they cannot trace their ancestors because of how they were taken from their homeland and sold as slaves. Both of these reinvigorated my interest in my own family tree. By the end of the day Friday, I had my family tree book out,I had compiled one many years ago, and had post-it notes all over my wall, mapping out my family tree. I am able to go back five generations from myself, in some cases.
On Saturday, I bought a tri-fold display board and transferred the names from the wall to the board. Now, once a day, I pull out the board, open it up, and just sit and look at it. I scan the dates; birth dates, wedding dates, death dates, immigration dates, and wonder what it was like living at that time.
What was the world like then? What was happening? What was daily life like? Why did they come to America in the first place? What was that journey like?
I'm compiling a list of questions for my grandparents, the only set left. In fact, who's left and who's not became glaringly apparent in this process, because I used one color of construction paper for those who have passed on, and another color for those who are still with us. It really showed me that time does go quickly, and generations pass without us realizing, and unless we are deliberate in knowing our legacy it will pass without us understanding.
I've been doing some research on-line and in books. I actually found a ship log with my ancestors names listed as passengers on a ship from Liverpool, England to New York City dated September 5th, 1839. My ancestors hail from various parts of Germany and Ireland. I have a Lutheran and Catholic faith legacy and I'm discovering that both came to America for religious freedom and to escape persecution and oppression because of their faith.
America was the place to come for freedom and to practice their faith freely, and I wonder what happened, because America seems to be increasingly hostile to Christianity. I wonder, too, if my generation, or one after me, will have to stand up for our faith and say enough at some point Where will we go to continue our faith legacy in freedom, if it becomes too hostile here to do so? More importantly, would I, or would they, stand firm against oppression and persecution? Would we hang onto our Truth base despite the hardships, and be willing to fight for what we believe, and fight for our way of life?
As I review the history, it gives glimpses of the future. Stories seem to swirl in repeating patterns. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we tend to repeat history. It is possible that what defined my ancestors as defenders of their faith, may define me as well. The struggles they incurred to provide a good future for their children may not be the same as the ones, I, or future generations will have to face, but the underlying theme may be similar, in that, a struggle may be incurred to preserve our legacy as Christians.
God wants us to remember the past. Remember His promises and faithfulness to all generations, and see our need for a Savior throughout history, so we continue to walk in obedience to Him, and stand firm on the teachings we were taught as children. It's critical that we teach our own children about God. Don't drop the ball and risk the heritage of the faith of our fathers becoming void in the generations to come. What a shame that would be to raise a generation without God as the head!
I'll probably have more to say on this topic as I continue this journey into my heritage. Until then, have an insightful day!
On Saturday, I bought a tri-fold display board and transferred the names from the wall to the board. Now, once a day, I pull out the board, open it up, and just sit and look at it. I scan the dates; birth dates, wedding dates, death dates, immigration dates, and wonder what it was like living at that time.
What was the world like then? What was happening? What was daily life like? Why did they come to America in the first place? What was that journey like?
I'm compiling a list of questions for my grandparents, the only set left. In fact, who's left and who's not became glaringly apparent in this process, because I used one color of construction paper for those who have passed on, and another color for those who are still with us. It really showed me that time does go quickly, and generations pass without us realizing, and unless we are deliberate in knowing our legacy it will pass without us understanding.
I've been doing some research on-line and in books. I actually found a ship log with my ancestors names listed as passengers on a ship from Liverpool, England to New York City dated September 5th, 1839. My ancestors hail from various parts of Germany and Ireland. I have a Lutheran and Catholic faith legacy and I'm discovering that both came to America for religious freedom and to escape persecution and oppression because of their faith.
America was the place to come for freedom and to practice their faith freely, and I wonder what happened, because America seems to be increasingly hostile to Christianity. I wonder, too, if my generation, or one after me, will have to stand up for our faith and say enough at some point Where will we go to continue our faith legacy in freedom, if it becomes too hostile here to do so? More importantly, would I, or would they, stand firm against oppression and persecution? Would we hang onto our Truth base despite the hardships, and be willing to fight for what we believe, and fight for our way of life?
As I review the history, it gives glimpses of the future. Stories seem to swirl in repeating patterns. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we tend to repeat history. It is possible that what defined my ancestors as defenders of their faith, may define me as well. The struggles they incurred to provide a good future for their children may not be the same as the ones, I, or future generations will have to face, but the underlying theme may be similar, in that, a struggle may be incurred to preserve our legacy as Christians.
God wants us to remember the past. Remember His promises and faithfulness to all generations, and see our need for a Savior throughout history, so we continue to walk in obedience to Him, and stand firm on the teachings we were taught as children. It's critical that we teach our own children about God. Don't drop the ball and risk the heritage of the faith of our fathers becoming void in the generations to come. What a shame that would be to raise a generation without God as the head!
I'll probably have more to say on this topic as I continue this journey into my heritage. Until then, have an insightful day!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Should A Comfort Letter Include A Christ Component?
This was a question in my women's bible study yesterday:
Should a comfort letter include a Christ component?
Most answered no because it might turn someone off and make them back away from you and your help. They thought this could happen with a non-believer and even with a Christian. So, they thought it best to try and help in other ways first, build a relationship, and hope to have an opportunity later to speak to them about the love of Christ.
I can see their point. Anyone who has stepped out in faith to speak truth for God to another has been rejected at some point. The other person has pushed back, walked away out of fear, leaving us to feel like we didn't help and we should have done it differently.
But, let me ask a few questions.
Where does true comfort lie?
Is it found in us or in our abilities to handle a situation? Do we have all the answers to life's tough questions?
Who has more compassion and love for another human being, me or God?
Can I really love someone else as much as God does? Can I really have enough compassion for someone else like God does?
We live in a sin sick world. All of the hurts, trials, discomforts, and evil of this world are due to sin. Sin that is our nature. Sin that is the root of the problem.
Sin is the explanation for all the problems of the world and Jesus is the solution to all those problems. Can we really help someone if we consciously avoid sharing the truth and the solution?
When someone is in need of comfort they usually are more open to the message of Jesus as Savior. When life is great they have no need for a Savior because everything seems to be ok around them.
But, in those dark places where things feel out of control, and you are drowning in sorrow, or guilt, or fear, your heart is open to any help. Why not share Christ and his hope with them!
They may accept God's gift of grace and his help and comfort. Or, they may not. They may be turned off and walk away. But, at least you used the opportunity you did have to share the gospel with them. It planted a seed that someone else may water down the road. We are not responsible for bringing another to faith, God is. But, God wants us to help through our words and our actions.
Preaching Christ can't be the only thing we do. We still need to love with action. Show compassion, listen, and love practically. I think we need both words and actions. Not our words but God's words.
Jesus is our example in all we do. Did he avoid speaking truth to the people he helped?
Let's not live in fear but boldly tell others where true healing and life is found. Let's face it, we might be running out of time.
Should a comfort letter include a Christ component?
Most answered no because it might turn someone off and make them back away from you and your help. They thought this could happen with a non-believer and even with a Christian. So, they thought it best to try and help in other ways first, build a relationship, and hope to have an opportunity later to speak to them about the love of Christ.
I can see their point. Anyone who has stepped out in faith to speak truth for God to another has been rejected at some point. The other person has pushed back, walked away out of fear, leaving us to feel like we didn't help and we should have done it differently.
But, let me ask a few questions.
Where does true comfort lie?
Is it found in us or in our abilities to handle a situation? Do we have all the answers to life's tough questions?
Who has more compassion and love for another human being, me or God?
Can I really love someone else as much as God does? Can I really have enough compassion for someone else like God does?
We live in a sin sick world. All of the hurts, trials, discomforts, and evil of this world are due to sin. Sin that is our nature. Sin that is the root of the problem.
Sin is the explanation for all the problems of the world and Jesus is the solution to all those problems. Can we really help someone if we consciously avoid sharing the truth and the solution?
When someone is in need of comfort they usually are more open to the message of Jesus as Savior. When life is great they have no need for a Savior because everything seems to be ok around them.
But, in those dark places where things feel out of control, and you are drowning in sorrow, or guilt, or fear, your heart is open to any help. Why not share Christ and his hope with them!
They may accept God's gift of grace and his help and comfort. Or, they may not. They may be turned off and walk away. But, at least you used the opportunity you did have to share the gospel with them. It planted a seed that someone else may water down the road. We are not responsible for bringing another to faith, God is. But, God wants us to help through our words and our actions.
Preaching Christ can't be the only thing we do. We still need to love with action. Show compassion, listen, and love practically. I think we need both words and actions. Not our words but God's words.
Jesus is our example in all we do. Did he avoid speaking truth to the people he helped?
Let's not live in fear but boldly tell others where true healing and life is found. Let's face it, we might be running out of time.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
So That . . .
Our Pastor talked this week about answering the question so that for ourselves.
He talked about how God gave the Israelites the promised land so that. . .
1. He could bless them, and so
2. He could bring glory to his name and his name would be known in all the world.
The promised land was the crossroad of the known world at this time in history. The corners of the world travelled through here as they travelled to other parts of the world. By placing the Israelites here, God's chosen people, all the world would be influenced by his people and his teaching.
We are all strategically placed in time, in our family, in our city, in our church, in our state, in our country, in our business, etc. We have a destiny and a call of so that.
The apostle Paul had a so that calling too, as recorded in the book of Acts.
Acts 26:17-18 (New International Version, ©2010)
I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles.
I am sending you to them to . . .
1. open their eyes and
2. turn them from darkness to light,and
3. from the power of Satan to God,
so that . . .
1. they may receive forgiveness of sins and
2. a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.
Our Pastor challenged us to ask what our so that calling might be and determine if we had been living it or not.
The Holy Spirit really convicted me when our Pastor talked about how we sometimes bow down to the alter of comfort, security, feeling good, happiness, money, materialism, fame, etc. instead of bowing down to the One True God. He asked us if we were living an idolatrous life and if we let fear prevent us from living our destiny. Have we made up our mind whom we will serve?
What is the significance of where I have been strategically placed in history?
What is my so that calling?
Well, I know for sure I am part of the generation(s) responsible for the state of where our country lies in God's favor right now. Romans 1:21-32 speaks to what I mean. However, as the song Hosanna by Hillsong goes, I am also part of a generation that is rising up to take their place in history as God had planned.
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
As a Christian wife and mother, raising my children to know and fear the Lord, I am living out my strategic place as matriarch and nurturer within my family. I play a part in raising that next generation who will follow the Lord, not forget his laws, and will walk in obedience before him.
The world is growing increasingly dark and the light of Christ and the Christian influence is needed as never before.
I realized I have been living in fear and bowing down to the idols of comfort and appeasement. I may be living out the life God wants me to by being in my home and homeschooling my children but I have not been wholeheartedly in. I mean, I have lived in fear of what others think, what others know, what others would want me to do. I've been comparing to the world and trying to look good in their eyes. That's not what God wants from me.
God wants me to be concerned about what he thinks. He wants me to be concerned about what he wants me to teach my children. He wants me to be concerned about if they are growing in the areas he needs them to grow in. I am to measure myself against Jesus, and Jesus only. Am I growing more and more like Jesus?
I am not to worry about what the world thinks or if I look good from a worldly perspective. He wants my heart chasing after him and his ways, and my eyes on Jesus. When I concern myself with worldly ways, worldly ideas, and worldly affirmation, I am taking my eyes off Jesus and putting them on myself.
So, I know I have a so that ministry in my home. So that my children will know and love God, be in a saving relationship with Jesus, and so that those who look on my home and my family will see Jesus and be influenced by His power.
Lord, I am sorry for taking my eyes off you and missing the fullness of my destiny. It's so easy to get caught up in the temptations, distractions, and lies of the world and I was wandering in the far off land. Thank you for your loving patience and continued graciousness toward me, a sinner. I thank you also for my calling, my destiny.
He talked about how God gave the Israelites the promised land so that. . .
1. He could bless them, and so
2. He could bring glory to his name and his name would be known in all the world.
The promised land was the crossroad of the known world at this time in history. The corners of the world travelled through here as they travelled to other parts of the world. By placing the Israelites here, God's chosen people, all the world would be influenced by his people and his teaching.
We are all strategically placed in time, in our family, in our city, in our church, in our state, in our country, in our business, etc. We have a destiny and a call of so that.
The apostle Paul had a so that calling too, as recorded in the book of Acts.
Acts 26:17-18 (New International Version, ©2010)
I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles.
I am sending you to them to . . .
1. open their eyes and
2. turn them from darkness to light,and
3. from the power of Satan to God,
so that . . .
1. they may receive forgiveness of sins and
2. a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.
Our Pastor challenged us to ask what our so that calling might be and determine if we had been living it or not.
The Holy Spirit really convicted me when our Pastor talked about how we sometimes bow down to the alter of comfort, security, feeling good, happiness, money, materialism, fame, etc. instead of bowing down to the One True God. He asked us if we were living an idolatrous life and if we let fear prevent us from living our destiny. Have we made up our mind whom we will serve?
What is the significance of where I have been strategically placed in history?
What is my so that calling?
Well, I know for sure I am part of the generation(s) responsible for the state of where our country lies in God's favor right now. Romans 1:21-32 speaks to what I mean. However, as the song Hosanna by Hillsong goes, I am also part of a generation that is rising up to take their place in history as God had planned.
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
As a Christian wife and mother, raising my children to know and fear the Lord, I am living out my strategic place as matriarch and nurturer within my family. I play a part in raising that next generation who will follow the Lord, not forget his laws, and will walk in obedience before him.
The world is growing increasingly dark and the light of Christ and the Christian influence is needed as never before.
I realized I have been living in fear and bowing down to the idols of comfort and appeasement. I may be living out the life God wants me to by being in my home and homeschooling my children but I have not been wholeheartedly in. I mean, I have lived in fear of what others think, what others know, what others would want me to do. I've been comparing to the world and trying to look good in their eyes. That's not what God wants from me.
God wants me to be concerned about what he thinks. He wants me to be concerned about what he wants me to teach my children. He wants me to be concerned about if they are growing in the areas he needs them to grow in. I am to measure myself against Jesus, and Jesus only. Am I growing more and more like Jesus?
I am not to worry about what the world thinks or if I look good from a worldly perspective. He wants my heart chasing after him and his ways, and my eyes on Jesus. When I concern myself with worldly ways, worldly ideas, and worldly affirmation, I am taking my eyes off Jesus and putting them on myself.
So, I know I have a so that ministry in my home. So that my children will know and love God, be in a saving relationship with Jesus, and so that those who look on my home and my family will see Jesus and be influenced by His power.
Lord, I am sorry for taking my eyes off you and missing the fullness of my destiny. It's so easy to get caught up in the temptations, distractions, and lies of the world and I was wandering in the far off land. Thank you for your loving patience and continued graciousness toward me, a sinner. I thank you also for my calling, my destiny.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I want his plan!
For most of my life, I did what I wanted. I created my own plans and secured for myself the things I wanted to do or have in this life. I was self-sufficient, self-motivating, and very much in control of things. Or, so I thought.
Somewhere between my divorce from my first husband and my current marriage, I began to realize 'my way' wasn't bringing me the fulfillment and joy I had hoped it would. In fact, my life was pretty messy. My first marriage had dissolved and my children were struggling and I had to take a long, hard look at my life.
I had to ask myself some really tough questions. Was this really what life was all about? Is this all there is? What if? Those life pausing questions that really get you to think about where you have been, where you are going, and if you really like the path you're on, or not.
I determined I was not happy about where I had been and I didn't want to continue in the same direction but I didn't really know what to do differently. Then, I remembered something.
I had grown up in the church and attended a parochial grade school. I remembered the teaching of my youth. So, I dug out my bible, dusted it off, and opened it up for the first time in a really long time. I've been opening it daily ever since.
I realized that while I had been living my life and deciding what to do with it, I had never consulted him. I had never asked my Creator what I should do or if what I was doing was ok.
Over time, I realized God had plan for me. I didn't know what it was, and honestly, sometimes today, I still don't know all the details of the plan but I knew for sure, from his word, that there was a plan created just for me.
God, the Creator of the Universe, had a plan for me! And, I had a plan for me. Who's plan was better?
When I compared myself to how big and powerful God is, it didn't take long to see that God's plan had to be better than anything I could come up with. Even if I were successful in my own plan and achieved everything I ever wanted to do, I'd still fall short of all the blessings God had created for me to experience. So, I determined in my mind, that I wanted to know what God wanted for me and I didn't want to miss out on anything.
Determining, and following through on that determination, turned out to be two different things. I was naive about how hard it was going to be to turn that determination into a reality.
Tithing came first. God asked if I trusted him in the area of our finances enough to tithe back ten percent of what he had blessed us with. We worked toward that number, one percent at a time, until we were faithfully giving the ten percent each week. We have found that the more we give, the more the Lord gives us back. We have not been able to out give God. It didn't happen overnight, it was a process of trust and faith that took time for us to let go of control in this area.
One day, God asked if I would be willing to give up my career. He didn't demand it, he simply asked. I said no. I continued to say no for a long time. Although my mind had purposed to follow his plan, when it came right down to it, I wasn't willing to give up control so easily.
God began to show me how my career had become an idol to me. It was the place where I received my significance. I had sacrificed a lot in my family for the power, prestige, and affirmation of my job. I had worked really hard to get where I was and I couldn't just let that all go, just like that. I had plans, plans to be the first woman to do a lot of things in my company that typically were reserved for men. I was going to break the glass ceilings there and pave new ground. I wanted to be the first. There were two problems here. 1. I wanted to be first - not God; 2. It was my plan, not his.
Finally, I walked away and retired, only to be called back a month later, agreeing to come back on a part-time basis. I hung on for another year convincing myself it was God's will. Otherwise they wouldn't have called me back, right? In reality, it was me building my trust in God's plan as I let go in stages. He was gracious in my unbelief and patiently allowed me the time to grow in my faith.
After a few years at home in which I relearned how to spend my days, God posed another question to me. Would I be willing to give up my time in order to pour myself into my children through home schooling? Again, letting go took time but eventually I gave in and embraced his plan for our family, more importantly, for me.
These were three examples of leaps of faith I had to take in order to follow God's plan and not my own. I learned that to follow God's plan meant I had to completely give up on my own. I couldn't have it both ways. It was easier to purpose in my mind to follow his plan then it actually was to do it. Letting go of control is hard, really hard.
It's not a one time letting go, either. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom today but I still have to relinquish control on a daily basis, sometimes on a hourly basis to maintain his path for me. I am tempted with the world's voice of having it all, or the draw toward worldly significance and materialism, or the inner need for more than this, that falsely leads me to think I made a mistake in giving over the reigns to God.
I struggle. A former co-worker gets a promotion and I think I could have really been somebody by now if I would have stayed working. Another person has free time to pamper themselves all day, and I wish I had more discretionary time. A new house, I might want that, too. The list that tempts me is very long. I get all mixed up when I fall off the path and start to be led by my own eyes, and soon I find myself wandering around in chaos and wonder how in the world did I get here again.
It says in the bible that God has goodness and blessing stored up for those who love and obey him. I want that goodness and blessing for me in my life. I want the peace, joy, and order that comes with living within his plan for me. I don't want the messy, chaotic life that is present when I am leading - although, I sometimes buy the lie that I would be better off doing it my way. But, that is a lie and a false comfort.
I am susceptible to temptation to deviate from the path just like everyone else. The only thing that keeps me from wandering too far away is the time I take daily to be in his word. I receive strength and encouragement in his word and I am reminded of his promises for me. I desire to be faithful but he knows I am weak. He remains faithful despite my short comings, and it's only because of his faithfulness that I am kept.
Somewhere between my divorce from my first husband and my current marriage, I began to realize 'my way' wasn't bringing me the fulfillment and joy I had hoped it would. In fact, my life was pretty messy. My first marriage had dissolved and my children were struggling and I had to take a long, hard look at my life.
I had to ask myself some really tough questions. Was this really what life was all about? Is this all there is? What if? Those life pausing questions that really get you to think about where you have been, where you are going, and if you really like the path you're on, or not.
I determined I was not happy about where I had been and I didn't want to continue in the same direction but I didn't really know what to do differently. Then, I remembered something.
I had grown up in the church and attended a parochial grade school. I remembered the teaching of my youth. So, I dug out my bible, dusted it off, and opened it up for the first time in a really long time. I've been opening it daily ever since.
I realized that while I had been living my life and deciding what to do with it, I had never consulted him. I had never asked my Creator what I should do or if what I was doing was ok.
Over time, I realized God had plan for me. I didn't know what it was, and honestly, sometimes today, I still don't know all the details of the plan but I knew for sure, from his word, that there was a plan created just for me.
God, the Creator of the Universe, had a plan for me! And, I had a plan for me. Who's plan was better?
When I compared myself to how big and powerful God is, it didn't take long to see that God's plan had to be better than anything I could come up with. Even if I were successful in my own plan and achieved everything I ever wanted to do, I'd still fall short of all the blessings God had created for me to experience. So, I determined in my mind, that I wanted to know what God wanted for me and I didn't want to miss out on anything.
Determining, and following through on that determination, turned out to be two different things. I was naive about how hard it was going to be to turn that determination into a reality.
Tithing came first. God asked if I trusted him in the area of our finances enough to tithe back ten percent of what he had blessed us with. We worked toward that number, one percent at a time, until we were faithfully giving the ten percent each week. We have found that the more we give, the more the Lord gives us back. We have not been able to out give God. It didn't happen overnight, it was a process of trust and faith that took time for us to let go of control in this area.
One day, God asked if I would be willing to give up my career. He didn't demand it, he simply asked. I said no. I continued to say no for a long time. Although my mind had purposed to follow his plan, when it came right down to it, I wasn't willing to give up control so easily.
God began to show me how my career had become an idol to me. It was the place where I received my significance. I had sacrificed a lot in my family for the power, prestige, and affirmation of my job. I had worked really hard to get where I was and I couldn't just let that all go, just like that. I had plans, plans to be the first woman to do a lot of things in my company that typically were reserved for men. I was going to break the glass ceilings there and pave new ground. I wanted to be the first. There were two problems here. 1. I wanted to be first - not God; 2. It was my plan, not his.
Finally, I walked away and retired, only to be called back a month later, agreeing to come back on a part-time basis. I hung on for another year convincing myself it was God's will. Otherwise they wouldn't have called me back, right? In reality, it was me building my trust in God's plan as I let go in stages. He was gracious in my unbelief and patiently allowed me the time to grow in my faith.
After a few years at home in which I relearned how to spend my days, God posed another question to me. Would I be willing to give up my time in order to pour myself into my children through home schooling? Again, letting go took time but eventually I gave in and embraced his plan for our family, more importantly, for me.
These were three examples of leaps of faith I had to take in order to follow God's plan and not my own. I learned that to follow God's plan meant I had to completely give up on my own. I couldn't have it both ways. It was easier to purpose in my mind to follow his plan then it actually was to do it. Letting go of control is hard, really hard.
It's not a one time letting go, either. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom today but I still have to relinquish control on a daily basis, sometimes on a hourly basis to maintain his path for me. I am tempted with the world's voice of having it all, or the draw toward worldly significance and materialism, or the inner need for more than this, that falsely leads me to think I made a mistake in giving over the reigns to God.
I struggle. A former co-worker gets a promotion and I think I could have really been somebody by now if I would have stayed working. Another person has free time to pamper themselves all day, and I wish I had more discretionary time. A new house, I might want that, too. The list that tempts me is very long. I get all mixed up when I fall off the path and start to be led by my own eyes, and soon I find myself wandering around in chaos and wonder how in the world did I get here again.
It says in the bible that God has goodness and blessing stored up for those who love and obey him. I want that goodness and blessing for me in my life. I want the peace, joy, and order that comes with living within his plan for me. I don't want the messy, chaotic life that is present when I am leading - although, I sometimes buy the lie that I would be better off doing it my way. But, that is a lie and a false comfort.
I am susceptible to temptation to deviate from the path just like everyone else. The only thing that keeps me from wandering too far away is the time I take daily to be in his word. I receive strength and encouragement in his word and I am reminded of his promises for me. I desire to be faithful but he knows I am weak. He remains faithful despite my short comings, and it's only because of his faithfulness that I am kept.
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