Defeated Parenting

Overheard at a Restaurant:

"I told my daughter I don't want her to have sex until she is married but if she decides for herself that she cannot wait and that she absolutely must do it sooner then I want her to be smart about it. If she can't talk to me then I told her to talk to my best friend, who I trust will give her solid advice on what to do."

What message do you think this daughter received from her well meaning but misguided mother?

I think the daughter received more than one message and probably none of them were the ones the mother intended to send.

Incorrect messages given:

1. A girl has the right to decide for herself when she should have sex. (God's Word on the subject wasn't mentioned, nor was his authority over her discussed).

2. We cannot be expected to exercise self-control over our desires (no direction given on how to have an exit plan or avoidance plan to help with the self control issues, nor how pleasing God should always have precedence over pleasing self).

3. Avoid consequences when doing something you shouldn't (ie. pregnancy, STD's) (Only the outer consequences were addressed. No mention of the inner consequences of the heart and mind that occur whenever we live outside of God's plan)

What if we were talking about murder instead of sex outside of marriage? Would you tell your daughter, "I don't want you to murder anyone but if you decide for yourself that you must, I want you to be smart about it. Talk to me, or so-and-so, to get advice on how to do it without getting caught."

Okay, some of you are saying that murder and sex aren't on the same par with one another so my analogy is unfair. Well, let's take it down a notch, then.

What if we were talking about cheating on a test at school? "Honey, I really want you to do your own work but if you choose not to, and instead decide to copy someone else's work, then please talk to me about how to do it without the teacher seeing you."

We wouldn't say that in any other circumstance. Wrong is wrong! Consequences are there to reinforce wrong is wrong. Avoiding the outward consequence doesn't make wrong right. Secret sins don't nullify the sin.

I think Americans are so bombarded with sex and sexual undertones that parents feel they are fighting a losing battle. Majority has changed the scale of morality, and following the crowd seems to be human nature and parents feel defeated in trying to stand against the culture - for themselves! Thus, this defeated attitude in their own behaviors/thinking comes out in their parenting. They failed so they think it natural their kids will fail, too!

Folks, the culture has been on a downward slide for quite sometime and we are in need of a counter balance to tip it the other way. Christians need to step up to counter the cultural shift.

Christians need to understand what God says about all subjects of life and communicate those to our children, along with the expectation God has for obedience. We cannot be too busy with careers and self-fulfillment activities to neglect parenting our children in the fear of the Lord. We can not water down God's truths. We cannot lower God's expectations. We need constant soul revival of our own through God's Word to transform our thinking, strengthen our resolve to obey, and teach God's truths wholly and correctly in all areas of life.

When we fail to do these things we leave our children vulnerable to Satan's lies and deception! If we're not paying attention, you can bet Satan is! Don't let him tie you up in defeated attitudes, busyness, and the lie of following your own self-fulfillment activities. These all prevent you from training up your children well in the ways of the Lord.