Communication

My children think I am old fashioned when it comes to the communication outlets available on the Internet. Although I blog, they still think of me as not up to date and out of touch with reality.

Today, young adults and teenagers have various options to choose from to communicate with others on line. Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, and the list goes on and on. I suppose as they mature into young adulthood the online generation becomes more discerning and able to make better judgement calls on how to conduct themselves in online situations but it still doesn't make me any more comfortable.

My daughter recently shared a blog post with me another young lady praising the online communication tools available to them and why they were good for you. I think my daughter shared this information with me in support of her choice to use some of these online tools for herself and may have hoped I would 'see the light' by reading the opinion of this young lady. She was wrong. I don't feel any different about them.

First of all, this lady commented on how Facebook can make your marriage better by reading your spouses' Facebook entries and learning things about your spouse you never would in face to face contact with your spouse. That's sad!

The most intimate relationship you will ever have with another human being is being reduced down to online blurbs of information posted for anyone to read. How is that intimate knowledge? I want a deeper, more satisfying knowledge of my spouse and I want that information just between him and I. I don't want to share that with the rest of the world. That's why it is an intimate relationship.

I also don't think it is appropriate for a woman to have intimate conversations with a man who is not her husband or vise versa. When my husband and I were married there were clear boundaries. Any women friends he had prior to our marriage were no longer people he would confide in himself and he no longer would be for them the one to which they would confide in. The same went for me. My husband is the only male I should confide in and I am the only female he should confide in. We became one flesh, one heart, one soul. It is dangerous behavior to bring another into that intimate relationship whether it is in person or online.

Women tend to become very dependent and attracted to men who listen to them. If I start talking to other man about things that should rightly be discussed only with my husband, I run the risk of becoming dependent or attracted to someone other than my husband. If my husband allows another woman to discuss with him things she should only be discussing with her husband, he runs the risk of her becoming attracted to him. If compliments are exchanged and an ego built up or stroked or a man feels needed by a woman then he becomes at risk of being dependent or attracted to another woman. I do not consider this being old fashioned or untrusting of my spouse but rather selfishly and jealously protecting my marriage vows and the blessing God has given me in the form of my spouse.

The young lady also said that in real life she only had a few friends but in her virtual world she had hundreds of them. I find this sad, too. Since when did a few close friends become not enough? I think this stems from that drive for significance that whispers to us that we need more exposure and deceives us into thinking we can create a new persona that everyone will love. Behind a computer we can be whoever we want to be but I'm afraid we begin to lose ourselves in the process.

It was also noted that the social wallflowers didn't have to worry about body language or appearance in online situations. I wonder if we have forgotten that God has created us and that we have been endowed with all of these quirks that make us who we are. When we begin to push aside parts of us that don't seem to fit in with the world's view of who we should be and only focus on what they find acceptable we put the emphasis on man's view and not God's.

God created our eyes to see each other as we are but also to see those words left unspoken, the feelings beneath the surface, or the body language that speaks volumes about where we are at right now. God gave us ears to hear the voice as it breaks in grief or hurt, as it speaks sarcasm to cover anger or hurt, or as it whispers in lost strength. God gave us a voice to touch another's heart and soul with sounds of calm, reassurance, and support. God gave us the sense of touch to communicate love, acceptance, comfort, and security. All of these senses are important in communicating with our family, friends, and spouses. The online world doesn't allow us to communicate the way God intended us to do. I view the online world of friendship making as a celebration of man's efforts and not God's and excludes the intimacy and friendship potential we can have as creatures of God's humanity.

Although, the Internet can be used by responsible people for lots of good things, I think it also can be irresponsibility used for bad things or can create poor situations that are not the ideal. I think with all things, discernment is in order and always a reflection given of what God's values are and how would he want me to use these tools. I also caution against losing the human element of all that we are called to be in our relationships with others. All we do should bring glory back to God. This includes how we present ourselves to the world, how we care for the people God has placed in our lives, and how we honor the covenants he has entered into with us.