I read these words this morning and wrote them down in my journal.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
This afternoon I was completing an application for a class I want to take through our church called Character Development. One of the questions on the application ask, 'why do you want to take this class?'. I wrote down four reasons, and it's reasons number three and four that reminded me of this verse from this morning.
Reason # 3: I feel Satan still uses my past to attack me and frustrate my usefulness for Christ. So, although I am afraid to be honest, I recognize the need to bring it to light so it can't be used against me in secret anymore.
Reason # 4: I don't want to hide behind a mask of who I think others want me to be. I want to be real.
Most of my adult life, I have hid my true self because I was afraid if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. My greatest fear has always been abandonment and it is deeply rooted since my childhood.
I really don't know how the class works but I have heard from others that it is pretty heavy stuff. They apparently take you all the way back to your childhood to understand how you were shaped and how that affects you today. I have heard that every week there is a woman crying and that you have to share some pretty personal things. Well, you can just imagine my fear. I have joked with others that I couldn't possibly take the class because I would take up the entire class myself or I'd be crying every week.
Under my cover of indifference through self depreciation, is really a great fear of being discovered. I have not been 100% sure if I am ready to exposed all those carefully hidden secrets, reopen old wounds, or put myself in such a vulnerable position. I alternate between thinking 'I can do it' to 'no, I can't'. I went as far as to request the application to at least see what it looked like, and find out what kind of questions they would ask. It wasn't anything too earth shattering, and it definitely did not give me any indication what to expect from the class itself, and yet, I sobbed as I tried to fill it out.
Do you know why I sobbed? It's not because of what you might think but rather because I saw for the first time how Satan had lied to me for most of my life with whispers that I was not good enough for God, or others, to love me. I had bought Satan's lie, and I had spent a lot of energy, for years, pretending to be on the outside who I thought I should be, and concealing the real me out of fear of being abandoned and left alone. This fear kept me believing that God couldn't love me and so I didn't pursue a relationship with him.
I cried because of the time lost being separated from a loving Father. My mind could actually go back through time, as if rewinding a video tape, to a specific moment in time; years earlier, to the beginning of buying the lie. My mind quickly worked it's way forward through time to the point when the lie started to lose it's power over me. It was like marking two spots on a timeline. I knew exactly when I bought the lie and I knew how long I held on to it. As I traveled in my mind, back and forth over those years, rewinding and fast forwarding the metaphoric video, I grieved over time lost and I felt cheated and robbed of how the first half of my life could have been!
Have you ever given something away only to find yourself in possession of it again? Well, I realized today, I am, at times, in possession of the lie even though I gave it away. It seems to keep coming back. Do you know why? Because Satan knows he can still hurt me with it. As long as I keep the catalyst hidden from others, he can use it against me. He can continue to get me to believe that I am not good enough. Even though I know better, and I have been reconciled to God through grace, Satan knows I have been hesitant to share with others those same things I have shared with God. The fear of others knowing, the fear of being judged, and the fear of being abandoned cause me to be ineffective for Christ at times.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
God is calling me to be made perfect through his perfect love. To trust him like never before. To take a risk, to face my fears, to be real with another person. He wants to show me that his perfect love is sufficient to release me and set me free to soar! I am thinking if I share with another Christian, and can be loved, despite (which can only happen because of the love of Christ), then Satan can no longer hold me captive in this area. This will help me with reasons number one and two on why I want to take this class.
Reason # 1: To be an effective Christ follower.
Reason # 2: To be an effective teacher for my children and any woman God brings into my life to mentor.
God is good!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Second Family Vacation
We had the privilege of two family vacations this summer. Our first was out west to Yellowstone and involved a lot of driving. Our second was much more relaxing and felt more like what a vacation should be.
We rented a cabin on a lake in northern Wisconsin for a week. We just kind of cocooned as a family and hung out together. We read books, individually and as a family, the girls worked on sudoko's and crossword puzzles, lounged in lawn chairs down by the water soaking in the warm sun, fished from the dock, went swimming in the lake, took a boat ride, rode a jet ski, went horseback riding, drove race cars at the Go-Cart track, and took lots of naps.
We had some adventures, too. Two mornings in a row we had a group of bats sleeping between the inside and outside doors to the cabin. The outside door was missing a screen which made it easy for the bats to move in. My husband was chosen as the one to rouse them out (as the girls and I were prepared to die in the cabin and never attempt to leave. I'll never forget him trying to pick one bat up with two very long sticks to toss it into the woods (it had a broken wing and couldn't fly)as we prayed he wouldn't get bit by the bat and have to endure rabies shots. We were able to avoid that situation.
The hot water heater decided to break during our stay and it was out of service for two days before getting fixed. Funny, how we take things like a hot shower everyday for granted until you can't have it.
I believe God used this experience to humble us because it was during these 'no shower days' that we were asked by another couple to ride on their boat with them and then go out to eat with them - at the fanciest restaurant in the area. To top it off, our youngest daughter had a complete meltdown in the restaurant which resulted in the biggest temper tantrum in the history of the world by a two year old. The stares of all the older people in the restaurant and their looks of "Why can't she control her child?" were contributing to my other problem of not having showered in two days.
As my husband keeps telling me, "These days will soon pass and I will miss them" so I will laugh about it now but it was not funny as it was happening.
I did want to mention though that by the end of the week my teenage daughter was initiating hugs with me and telling me she loved me. That hadn't happened in a long time so I guess cocooning as a family is just what she needed.
I am thankful! God has been very good to us!
We rented a cabin on a lake in northern Wisconsin for a week. We just kind of cocooned as a family and hung out together. We read books, individually and as a family, the girls worked on sudoko's and crossword puzzles, lounged in lawn chairs down by the water soaking in the warm sun, fished from the dock, went swimming in the lake, took a boat ride, rode a jet ski, went horseback riding, drove race cars at the Go-Cart track, and took lots of naps.
We had some adventures, too. Two mornings in a row we had a group of bats sleeping between the inside and outside doors to the cabin. The outside door was missing a screen which made it easy for the bats to move in. My husband was chosen as the one to rouse them out (as the girls and I were prepared to die in the cabin and never attempt to leave. I'll never forget him trying to pick one bat up with two very long sticks to toss it into the woods (it had a broken wing and couldn't fly)as we prayed he wouldn't get bit by the bat and have to endure rabies shots. We were able to avoid that situation.
The hot water heater decided to break during our stay and it was out of service for two days before getting fixed. Funny, how we take things like a hot shower everyday for granted until you can't have it.
I believe God used this experience to humble us because it was during these 'no shower days' that we were asked by another couple to ride on their boat with them and then go out to eat with them - at the fanciest restaurant in the area. To top it off, our youngest daughter had a complete meltdown in the restaurant which resulted in the biggest temper tantrum in the history of the world by a two year old. The stares of all the older people in the restaurant and their looks of "Why can't she control her child?" were contributing to my other problem of not having showered in two days.
As my husband keeps telling me, "These days will soon pass and I will miss them" so I will laugh about it now but it was not funny as it was happening.
I did want to mention though that by the end of the week my teenage daughter was initiating hugs with me and telling me she loved me. That hadn't happened in a long time so I guess cocooning as a family is just what she needed.
I am thankful! God has been very good to us!
Monday, August 9, 2010
We Don't Love Children, We Love Drywall
We Don't Love Children, We Love Drywall
I found this blog post on another website that promotes Beautiful Womanhood at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ that was so good I had to share it.
I found this blog post on another website that promotes Beautiful Womanhood at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ that was so good I had to share it.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Friends For the Journey
A dear friend of mine recently borrowed a book to me to read to my daughters. The Evergreen Wood by Alan and Linda Parry is an adaptation of The Pilgrim's Progress for children.
I read once that The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyon was the second best selling book of all time, after the bible, so I was very excited to read this to them.
As I read the final chapters to them today, I found myself learning a valuable lesson about the importance of perseverance and the role christian friends play in finishing the race. The race, of course, is the life of faith that leads to salvation and eternal life with Christ.
The road is long, the gate narrow. The journey is sometimes difficult, and we easily become lost, finding ourselves in a heap of trouble or danger, not seeing the way out. We need friends in our life who are on the same path as us, going in the same direction, with the same focus and end goal as we have, to support us along the way. We sometimes need encouragement, other times warnings, advice, a helping hand, or a buddy to help navigate the dark waters of life.
As a married woman, the greatest ally I have in my christian walk of faith is my husband, and I, his greatest ally. As I read the pages of this book out loud to my children, my own eyes teared up at the realization of how much I really need my husband, and how much he needs me.
We are companions to each other, partners in building a life and home together, co-parents of our children, partners in ministry, etc. but no greater calling is put upon us than to help the other become all that Christ intended them to be, and to help the other preserve faithfully to the end, where glory and honor and everlasting peace and joy await us both.
In the big picture of our life together, this our calling to each other, our high commitment, our vow - not to leave the other vulnerable to the enemy and jeopardize their faith. I am so thankful that my husband is a lover of Christ, and because he is, I am blessed in so many ways. My husband prays for me and the children everyday. We read the bible together. We try and live our lives in obedience to God the best we know how.
We are sinners, and fallen creatures, just like everyone else, the results of such are sometimes devastating and hurtful. It is sometimes difficult to rise above the problems of the day, but when we do, we are reminded of the vow and the end goal. Amazing forgiveness, patience, and love can be freely given despite the circumstances of the day when the heart, mind, and desires of Christ are also ours.
I heard a guest speaker on a radio program yesterday (Family Life Today) talk about praying for your spouse with just these simple words.
For a woman praying for her husband: Lord, help me hear him, support him, and serve him.
For a man praying for his wife: Lord, help me hear her, cherish her, and serve her.
I just heard this prayer yesterday but I have been praying it in my mind over and over ever since. I think the insight I received from this children's book today, is God answering my prayer, by allowing me to see my husband in a different light. Reminding me not to forget what his ultimate purpose is as my husband, nor what my purpose is as his wife.
Marriage, God's institution, is much more than what we look at it as on any given day. It's more than tax breaks, the splitting of duties, sharing the burden, or whatever else modern culture would like to define it as. God's institution has eternal implications for believers. We'd be wise not to lose sight of that, especially in the culture that we live in today.
I'd like to thank my dear friend for sharing this book with me. I am glad you are walking with me on this journey toward heaven, too. I need you and I am so grateful our lives have touched in this world.
To all my friends in Christ, I love you and I am thankful for your examples, your support, your weaknesses, and your love. May we all persevere to the end, and rejoice together as we sit at the banquet of our Lord, Jesus Christ, in heaven someday. Just imagine how much intimacy and love we will be able to have for each other in heaven! What joy awaits us!
I read once that The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyon was the second best selling book of all time, after the bible, so I was very excited to read this to them.
As I read the final chapters to them today, I found myself learning a valuable lesson about the importance of perseverance and the role christian friends play in finishing the race. The race, of course, is the life of faith that leads to salvation and eternal life with Christ.
The road is long, the gate narrow. The journey is sometimes difficult, and we easily become lost, finding ourselves in a heap of trouble or danger, not seeing the way out. We need friends in our life who are on the same path as us, going in the same direction, with the same focus and end goal as we have, to support us along the way. We sometimes need encouragement, other times warnings, advice, a helping hand, or a buddy to help navigate the dark waters of life.
As a married woman, the greatest ally I have in my christian walk of faith is my husband, and I, his greatest ally. As I read the pages of this book out loud to my children, my own eyes teared up at the realization of how much I really need my husband, and how much he needs me.
We are companions to each other, partners in building a life and home together, co-parents of our children, partners in ministry, etc. but no greater calling is put upon us than to help the other become all that Christ intended them to be, and to help the other preserve faithfully to the end, where glory and honor and everlasting peace and joy await us both.
In the big picture of our life together, this our calling to each other, our high commitment, our vow - not to leave the other vulnerable to the enemy and jeopardize their faith. I am so thankful that my husband is a lover of Christ, and because he is, I am blessed in so many ways. My husband prays for me and the children everyday. We read the bible together. We try and live our lives in obedience to God the best we know how.
We are sinners, and fallen creatures, just like everyone else, the results of such are sometimes devastating and hurtful. It is sometimes difficult to rise above the problems of the day, but when we do, we are reminded of the vow and the end goal. Amazing forgiveness, patience, and love can be freely given despite the circumstances of the day when the heart, mind, and desires of Christ are also ours.
I heard a guest speaker on a radio program yesterday (Family Life Today) talk about praying for your spouse with just these simple words.
For a woman praying for her husband: Lord, help me hear him, support him, and serve him.
For a man praying for his wife: Lord, help me hear her, cherish her, and serve her.
I just heard this prayer yesterday but I have been praying it in my mind over and over ever since. I think the insight I received from this children's book today, is God answering my prayer, by allowing me to see my husband in a different light. Reminding me not to forget what his ultimate purpose is as my husband, nor what my purpose is as his wife.
Marriage, God's institution, is much more than what we look at it as on any given day. It's more than tax breaks, the splitting of duties, sharing the burden, or whatever else modern culture would like to define it as. God's institution has eternal implications for believers. We'd be wise not to lose sight of that, especially in the culture that we live in today.
I'd like to thank my dear friend for sharing this book with me. I am glad you are walking with me on this journey toward heaven, too. I need you and I am so grateful our lives have touched in this world.
To all my friends in Christ, I love you and I am thankful for your examples, your support, your weaknesses, and your love. May we all persevere to the end, and rejoice together as we sit at the banquet of our Lord, Jesus Christ, in heaven someday. Just imagine how much intimacy and love we will be able to have for each other in heaven! What joy awaits us!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Where You Turn | Feature Programs | Janet Parshall
Where You Turn | Feature Programs | Janet Parshall
I love, love this radio program! I listen everyday while I'm making supper for the family. The kids hear it by osmosis and I'm hoping they are picking up some wisdom in the process. Check it out for yourself. Very relevant and informational and most importantly biblical.
I love, love this radio program! I listen everyday while I'm making supper for the family. The kids hear it by osmosis and I'm hoping they are picking up some wisdom in the process. Check it out for yourself. Very relevant and informational and most importantly biblical.
Summer Vacation - Road Trip
We're back from our road trip vacation where we logged over 3000 road miles with three kids ages 16,12,2 and survived! We went to Minnesota first for a family wedding, then on to De Smet, SD to the Laura Ingalls Homestead (my favorite), to Rapid City, SD (Badlands, Mount Rushmore, Bear Country, Custer State Park, Ironwood & Needles Highways), to Cody, WY, and Yellowstone National Park.
We weathered tornado warnings, hunkering down with other guest in the hotel's main floor where we were staying until the storm passed.
We surveyed the damage as we drove through the path of the storm the next day. There were trees and branches down through the entire state of Minnesota and very wet conditions.
We experienced temperatures reaching 102 degrees in some cities on our trip. Dry heat they tell us is better than the humid heat we are use to, but hot is still hot in my book.
I am afraid of heights. Let me rephrase that, I am desperately afraid of heights. Driving through the mountains, with steep grades and drastic drop offs, was a life threatening experience for me. I was in tears at times driving through the Buckhorn mountains to Cody, WY. I should have known better when the highway signs approaching the route we were going to take offered up another route that was safer with less grade. Seriously, there were three billboard sized signs suggesting another route. I begged my husband to heed the signs. He finally did - on the return trip! I had to endure the unsafe route on the trip to Yellowstone but we took the alternate on the way home. I have no pictures of the trip west through the Buckhorns because I was glued to the middle of the car and both of my hands were hanging on for dear life. Now, I know why they put those little handles above the window in the Jeep doors. I was petrified!
Our second night in our cabin (in the wooded mountains right outside of the East entrance to Yellowstone and an hour away from the next town),a ten minute rain spell produced one lightening bolt that hit the transformer that powered our cabin and the lodge that supported us. Did I mention this happened right at dinner time. Remember, the next town is 60 minutes away, the territory is mountainous and curvy, and the route not one I want to drive too often, much less in the dark. I was slightly worried I might not get an evening meal. However, we had a perfect dinner in the dark with the other guest. They were able to grill anything we wanted because that required gas, not electricity. Worked out ok.
During the power outage, everyone sat outside where it was lighter, so we all either saw or heard the car accident that happened at the end of the lodge driveway. Everyone was ok although they did take the pregnant lady to the ER to make sure. It was quite the night of excitement for the girls.
At one of our stop over cities on the drive home, we had interesting pool guests. A couple, ex-hippies, I'm guessing, spent the entire day in a routine that looked like this. Drink a can of beer while sitting at the table, go outside and smoke a cigarette, dive in pool and swim three laps, hug each other a few times, slide the cooler to the hot tub and enjoy beer and hot tub, slide cooler back to table, enjoy another beer, go outside for a cigarette, etc. This went on like clockwork all day. Oh, there was the minor interruptions when the guy had to take the cooler back to the hotel room to restock the supply, otherwise the routine was fairly consistent. To me, it just looked like a death sentence waiting to happen. I could not have survived it myself.
Thank God for my husband's laptop and a million DVDs checked out from the local library! Keeping the two year old entertained was critical in preventing her from kicking her sisters in the face every five minutes. In a car seat, the only thing she could really move was her arms or legs. So, kicking and pulling hair helped her pass the time. You can just imagine how well teenage girls handle shoes to the face and their hair being messed up. Now, that I think about it, it was funny. At the time though, not so funny.
Anyway, all kidding aside, we had an amazing trip. We were blessed to see God's beautiful country, the diversity in landscape, the clouds form into storms, and meet people from all over the United States and Canada. It was truly a memorable experience. I'm a history buff and there's so much history in the towns we traveled through to see and experience firsthand. However, as a Christian we had to filter out all the references to evolutionary theory and the suggestion that it took millions of years to form some of the things we saw. How about one major flood caused by God's anger at the world?
It's really beneficial to get the kids out into God's world and out from behind a textbook for a while. We were able to see things we had learned about in books and they came alive for us in a whole new way.
Hope you all are having an educational, relaxing, interesting, exciting summer vacation yourself.
We weathered tornado warnings, hunkering down with other guest in the hotel's main floor where we were staying until the storm passed.
We surveyed the damage as we drove through the path of the storm the next day. There were trees and branches down through the entire state of Minnesota and very wet conditions.
We experienced temperatures reaching 102 degrees in some cities on our trip. Dry heat they tell us is better than the humid heat we are use to, but hot is still hot in my book.
I am afraid of heights. Let me rephrase that, I am desperately afraid of heights. Driving through the mountains, with steep grades and drastic drop offs, was a life threatening experience for me. I was in tears at times driving through the Buckhorn mountains to Cody, WY. I should have known better when the highway signs approaching the route we were going to take offered up another route that was safer with less grade. Seriously, there were three billboard sized signs suggesting another route. I begged my husband to heed the signs. He finally did - on the return trip! I had to endure the unsafe route on the trip to Yellowstone but we took the alternate on the way home. I have no pictures of the trip west through the Buckhorns because I was glued to the middle of the car and both of my hands were hanging on for dear life. Now, I know why they put those little handles above the window in the Jeep doors. I was petrified!
Our second night in our cabin (in the wooded mountains right outside of the East entrance to Yellowstone and an hour away from the next town),a ten minute rain spell produced one lightening bolt that hit the transformer that powered our cabin and the lodge that supported us. Did I mention this happened right at dinner time. Remember, the next town is 60 minutes away, the territory is mountainous and curvy, and the route not one I want to drive too often, much less in the dark. I was slightly worried I might not get an evening meal. However, we had a perfect dinner in the dark with the other guest. They were able to grill anything we wanted because that required gas, not electricity. Worked out ok.
During the power outage, everyone sat outside where it was lighter, so we all either saw or heard the car accident that happened at the end of the lodge driveway. Everyone was ok although they did take the pregnant lady to the ER to make sure. It was quite the night of excitement for the girls.
At one of our stop over cities on the drive home, we had interesting pool guests. A couple, ex-hippies, I'm guessing, spent the entire day in a routine that looked like this. Drink a can of beer while sitting at the table, go outside and smoke a cigarette, dive in pool and swim three laps, hug each other a few times, slide the cooler to the hot tub and enjoy beer and hot tub, slide cooler back to table, enjoy another beer, go outside for a cigarette, etc. This went on like clockwork all day. Oh, there was the minor interruptions when the guy had to take the cooler back to the hotel room to restock the supply, otherwise the routine was fairly consistent. To me, it just looked like a death sentence waiting to happen. I could not have survived it myself.
Thank God for my husband's laptop and a million DVDs checked out from the local library! Keeping the two year old entertained was critical in preventing her from kicking her sisters in the face every five minutes. In a car seat, the only thing she could really move was her arms or legs. So, kicking and pulling hair helped her pass the time. You can just imagine how well teenage girls handle shoes to the face and their hair being messed up. Now, that I think about it, it was funny. At the time though, not so funny.
Anyway, all kidding aside, we had an amazing trip. We were blessed to see God's beautiful country, the diversity in landscape, the clouds form into storms, and meet people from all over the United States and Canada. It was truly a memorable experience. I'm a history buff and there's so much history in the towns we traveled through to see and experience firsthand. However, as a Christian we had to filter out all the references to evolutionary theory and the suggestion that it took millions of years to form some of the things we saw. How about one major flood caused by God's anger at the world?
It's really beneficial to get the kids out into God's world and out from behind a textbook for a while. We were able to see things we had learned about in books and they came alive for us in a whole new way.
Hope you all are having an educational, relaxing, interesting, exciting summer vacation yourself.
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